Merry Christmas

I can honestly say that this has been the best year that I have had in a long time.  Not only for me but for my family too!  Both me and my husband got a promotion at work, we were both able to have our surgeries, and my son was able to go to the college of his choice!  My husband is doing incredible.  He is almost 1 month out from surgery and he has lost a total of about 35 lbs.  He is officially under the 300 lb. mark now weighing in yesterday at 298.  He was so happy.  He hasn't seen the 200's in such a long time that he couldn't even remember when the last time was.  I weighed in yesterday and had lost another 4 lbs.  That puts me at 231 lbs. and a total loss of 153 lbs.  My goal weight is 175-180 and even at that I will still be considered "overweight" by the doctors standards.  So I have about 50-60 more lbs. to go.  I am now in a size 20 and can even squeeze into some size 18's.  This is the size I was when I graduated from high school.  My husband has never seen me this small!  This is a great feeling and I never dreamed I would be this size so soon!  My goal size is a size 12.  I have a dress and 2 pair of dress slacks from Chico's that are a size 12 that I really want to get into.  I have taken an interest in taking better care of my skin which is amazing to me.  I used to hate putting on lotions and make up and even perfume.  It was just to much work and I couldn't reach some areas.  Well since all this weight is gone, I love putting on lotions and perfume.  I even love to fix my hair and do my make up.  I even went as far Tuesday as signing up as a consultant for Mary Kay!  Who would have ever thought that?  I went out on black Friday shopping to and I shopped for a solid 12 hours straight.  I would have never been able to last that long before.  I would have been in so much pain in my back and feet that I would have felt like dying.  But this time I went all night and never got tired.  I could have kept on shopping but my husband convinced me that we needed to get a couple of hours of sleep.  So we went home and slept a few hours then went back out shopping.  Anyway I just wanted to share my latest experiences with you all and hope that I can be an encouragement to you.  I am sure I have many more new adventures ahead of me but so far I am loving life like I haven't loved it in a long time.  I don't remember feeling this good since I was a teenager!  I am still amazed at how I actually get eye contact from people who I pass in the stores or here at work now.  Be sure to check out my new pictures I posted to the side and I want to take this time to wish you all a Merry Christmas and to remind you the reason for the season.....Jesus! 

To long since last post

Hi everyone!  I'm really sorry for not posting anything before now.  I have been extremely busy in the last month and a half.  From my new job to my husband having his surgery.  Everytime I sat down to update my blog, I would get side tracked and get busy doing something else.  Anyway, since my last post I have done very well.  I am down 146 lbs. total now.  I am currently at 238 lbs.  I have started back to the gym, not regularly, but at least I have started back.  My husband had his gastric bypass on November 7.  He has done extremely well.  I thought that I would have to crack the whip on him to do the things he needed to do but I haven't not one time yet.  He is down almost 40 lbs. since we started our journey in February.  Almost 20 lbs. just since his surgery less than 2 weeks ago.  I am so proud of him.  Anyway, the Holidays are upon us and I am so thankful that my Holidays will not revolve around food this year.  I have noticed something interesting since my weight loss.  I have noticed that now when I walk down a hallway or get on an elevator that men will actually look me in the eye rather than looking down at the ground to avoid looking at me.  I am not talking about being hit on or anything like that but I am talking about how different people react to people who are obese.  When I was 384 lbs. it was almost impossible to get anyone to look at me.  Now people actually look me in the eye and smile or say hello.  Discrimination is amazing to me.  I will post more updates more regularly now (hopefully).  I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and think about how God has blessed you this year!

Lots of progress

I know it has been a long time since I have posted anything and I do apologize for that.  To start with my weight loss is still going really good.  To date I have lost a total 126 lbs.  I am now mostly in a size 22.  I still have some size 24's that still fit me but for the most part everything is size 22.  I still feel really great!  I have still not gone back to the gym.  I have been out of town since last Thursday.  I will also be out of town Thursday and Friday of this week so the gym isn't looking to good this week.  On an upnote I was able to go to Chicago this past weekend for a business trip.  It was a nice place to visit but I don't know that I would want to go back.  So all in all I have had a good last couple of weeks!  4 lb. weight loss last week and 2 lbs. both the weeks before that!  I hope to be able to start posting on a regular basis again.  My new job is keeping me very busy! 

Better week

It has been a better week this week.  Don't feel nearly as exhausted as last week.  My weigh in today brought 2 more lbs. lost.  That is a total of 117 lbs.  I actually went shopping this past weekend and bought some new shoes....that were not flats!  They had a little hill to them and when I put them on they make me feel really good!  It's amazing that shoes can make you feel that way.  Still haven't gotten back to the gym....gotta do that next week!  I ask that you all pray about that with me!  Overall it's been a really good week this week.  It may be that I got a 3 day weekend!  Wished all weeks could be short work weeks.  Oh well, guess I should be happy that I have a job!  I got contact lenses this week to which made me super excited like a little kid on Christmas.  It is so nice to be able to see my phone without digging for my glasses!  The little things!  More next week!

4 more lbs.

I had another amazing weight loss this week.  When I weighed in on Wednesday, I had lost 4 more lbs.  I was amazed.  Not surprised though.  It has been a stressful week this week with me starting a new job!  That puts me down to 269.  I am in the 260's!  I can't believe it!  My current goal is to see my weight below 250.  After I reach that I will set my next goal.  I have not been back to the gym.  I have got to do that!  I have been so exhausted this week after work though.  My brain is just tired and all I want to do after work is go home and relax.  I have to push myself though!  Anyway, I am feeling good and ready to get into some more "new to me" clothes!  I hope everyone has a happy and safe Labor Day weekend!

Exhausted

It's been a crazy week and a half.  I took my son off to college in Ohio and I started a new job.  I have so little energy.  I know it is from all the stress I have been through over the last week and a half.  But I will make it through this!  The new job is going good so far.  All settled in my new office!  My son is doing good.  He is getting into the swing of things and settling in.I am going to weigh in tomorrow.  Last week I lost 2 lbs. so we will see what this week brings.  Wished I had more to talk about but I'm to tired!  :)

Super hard weekend

This weekend was extremely hard.  We took our son up to Ohio where he will be going to college.  It was very hard to leave him but even harder to come back home and see he wasn't here.  I still have moments where I will just break down and start crying but I know that God will give me strength to get through this.  I know he will be fine but I still miss him.  On another note, I have uploaded a recent picture (as promised several weeks ago - sorry it took me so long).  This picture is of me 109 lbs. down from my original weight.  You can scroll down and see my original picture from February of this year before any weightloss (384 lbs.) and really see the difference from now (275 lbs.).  If you receive this post by e-mail, please visit the actual blogsite so that you can see the pictures!  I was really amazed myself.  You just don't see yourself in person like you do in a picture.  Notice in the picture how much "bigger" the door behind me is getting!  This starts a new week for me.  My last week at my current job and saying goodbye to everyone there.  I am sure it will be hard as well (especially since I am super emotional from my son going away) but I am looking forward to what God has in store for me.  I will weigh in on Wednesday and let you all know how I did then.

Exhausting & exhilirating week

It has been an exhausting and an exhilirating week all in the same.  On Monday I cleaned out my closet and my drawers and got rid of ALL of the clothes that were to big for me, which entailed getting rid of every peice of clothing I owned (except for undergarments).  I was very nervous to do that because my brain just kept thinking that "I might need those clothes one day."  Although my heart was telling me that I would never need them again.  Once I got them all bagged up and in my car (to take to a friend), it was the most exhilirating feeling.  I actually felt like I had been reborn.  Then I started hanging up all the clothes that I had been given over the last couple of months and seperating what I can wear now to what I will be able to shrink in to.  It felt really great.  So everyday this week I have been wearing clothes that actually fit me instead of clothes that look like a potato sack hanging on me.  It feels really good to be wearing clothes that actually look good on me.  It's funny because ever since I have been wearing these clothes that fit, so many people have told me how good I look.  I just don't see it yet though.  I mean yes, I see that I look better than I used to but when I look at myself I still see a fat girl.  "Fat" has been embedded in my brain for the last 40 years and I just wonder how long it will take to undue that damage.  I have also been trying to get prepared to move my son to Ohio this week.  We will be taking him to college tomorrow and I am just totally exhausted from preparing for this.  Not to mention, we found major trouble with my car this week and had to put it in the shop.  Luckily it is still under warranty so that is a blessing.  It is just frustrating knowing that we need it to go to Ohio this weekend.  Anyway, the Lord will work it all out.  So on to weight loss.  I am totally amazed but when I stepped on the scale this morning (because I forgot to weigh in yesterday with everything I have going on), I had lost 6 lbs. since last Wednesday.  I absolutely could not believe it.  My average each week has been 2 or 3 lbs.  I was totally shocked when I saw 275.  This truly makes me so happy.  I have only been back to the gym 1 time in the last 2 weeks.  This is something that I am really struggling with because I am just so tired that I don't feel like I have the energy to go.  But I have got to get back down there to start doing some toning!  So my total weigh loss now is 109 lbs.  AMAZING and I feel GREAT!!!!!

New clothes

I was able to attend the annual Hanes sale this morning and racked up on clothes for me to wear to work (even cheaper than Goodwill).  I filled a trash bag completely full (stuff almost busting open) and only paid $64 for the entire bag.  I can't wait to get it home tonight and go through it all again!  I weighed in this morning also.....3 more lbs. down which puts me at 281.  I will be glad to see the 270's!  Other big news........I got a new job!  Same company but moving up to a management position!  I am nervous and excited all at the same time!  I know God has big plans for me though!

I did it!!!!!

I finally did it!  I hit the 100 lb. weight loss mark!  I just thanked God when I saw 284 on the scale.....I mean 284 on the dot....not 284.2 or whatever........I have lost 100 pounds.  I can't believe it.  I am now half way through my journey.  I want to loose 100 more pounds to reach my goal but 1 pound at a time.  This is such an encouragement to me.  I am going to the gym today to celebrate!  I will post pictures later (probably this weekend) so that you all can see the difference in 384 and 284.  Just can't contain my happiness!

2 lbs. short

Ok....this was supposed to be a really big week (and I guess I have to admit that it has been).  Today is weigh in day.  I only needed to lose 6 lbs. to hit my 100 lb. weight loss mark.  I lost 4 lbs. this week.  I know that is incredible and it makes me really happy but I was hoping to see a 6 lb. weight loss.  So next week, I am hoping and praying that I hit that 100 lbs.  To date I have lost a total of 98 lbs. and 33 lbs. of that has been lost since my surgery on June 6.  I still haven't seen a huge energy burst however I can honestly say that this week I have felt "normal" again.  It may not last long but I am going to savor the moment.  I had made a goal to get back in the gym this week but that didn't work out.  So I am making myself a promise that next week I go to the gym at least 3 times.  I would ask that you all pray about that with me.  I know if I can get back in the gym that I will really see the weight drop off.  I just need the energy to get there.  I have noticed that I can now stand and prepare an entire meal for my family and not get so tired that I don't even want to eat.  My back doesn't hurt and neither do my knees so cooking is now super enjoyable.  I say super because it is always enjoyable but now its super enjoyable.  Cross your fingers that next week I get to post some new pics!

What a week

This week has been a rough one.  I officially worked 40 hours this week (working the last 8 today).  It has been tough.  The first two days were ok but after that I became exhausted and I feel like I just can't get caught up (on my rest).  I weighed in on Wednesday and lost another 3 lbs.  That brings my total to 94 lbs so far.  That 100 lb. goal is so close I can almost touch it.  I am hoping that next week I can start back in the gym a couple of days a week.  The doctor told me not to push it so I am going to start off real slow.  People everyday are more and more amazed at how much weight I have lost but when I look in the mirror, I still see a fat girl.  I wonder if that will ever change?  Anyway, I am ready for this work day to be over so I can take this weekend to rest and relax.  Don't forget.....when I hit that 100 lb. mark, I will post new pics!

What I realized today

When I got home from work, I started cooking supper.  While I was doing that I realized that I did not think about food the entire day today.  I ate but only because I knew I had to but I did not "think" about eating AT ALL.  Then I got to thinking, I haven't thought about food since my surgery.  When I say that I mean that I don't sit around and think about eating, when I'm gonna get to eat again, what I'm gonna eat, or think about eating junk (like Dewey's cake).  This is very strange to me but when I realized it today, it was one of the best feelings ever.  This is what my day consisted of food wise today:  1 protein shake, 2 peanut butter crackers (nabs), 1/3 of a lean cuisine french bread pizza, 1/2 of a piece of grilled tenderloin, 1 tablespoon of pintos & white beans mixed, and 2 sugar free popsicles.  After eating that.....I have no desire whatsoever to eat.  I really do praise God for allowing me to go through this journey and being so successful!

My first post-op visit with the doctor

I went for my first visit to see the doctor since my surgery last Thursday.  It went very well.  He said that I did amazing with the surgery (better than most) and he attributed that to how well I did before my surgery.  He did say that I was still a little dehydrated and that I needed to push the fluids but other than that I was doing great!  I also met with the psychiatrist and the nutritionist.  The psychiatrist told me that my original estimated weight loss was 70% of my body weight and that because I did so well before surgery I may even exceed that.  The nutritionist told me that I was doing great and to try to get a little more protein in.  She suggested adding another protein shake each day.  I am still working on that.  I felt really good when I left the office knowing that I had did my best before surgery and that I was moving right along since surgery.  This is getting easier and easier each day and I am so thankful that I was able to do this.  Only 9 more lbs. and I will have hit my first goal of 100 lbs.  I can't wait to see that!  The doctor did tell me to give myself at least another week before I go to the gym since I have started back full-time to work.  He said he didn't want me overdoing it and that he considered me still in the "fresh out of surgery" stage.  He also told me that most people get a surge of energy around week 6 which is where I am at today.  I am looking forward to that as well!  I weigh in Wednesday so I will let you know how that turns out then!  Until then.....have a blessed day!

Sorry for the delay since the last post

I can't believe that I have let 2 weeks go by with no post....I am sorry for that!  I have been so extremely busy in the past couple of weeks that I haven't even thought about posting to my blog.  So let me catch you up to speed.  I weighed in this morning and I am down to 293.  Yes....I'm in the 200's again!  That makes a total of 91 lbs. that I have lost since my journey began and a total of 26 lbs. since my surgery (5 weeks ago).  Last week was my biggest weigh in since my surgery with a loss of 6 lbs. in 1 week.  That got me super excited because I was a little discouraged up to then.  Each week before that I had lost 2 or 3 lbs. a week which is really great and I should be super excited about that but for some reason I felt let down.  Trust me....this surgery has really played tricks with my mind.  On July 4th I had a pretty bad day.  I just had an emotional breakdown.  I was crying hysterically, very weak feeling, and just having major regrets for having the surgery at all.  This only lasted a few hours but it was still very bad.  So when I weighed in on Wednesday (2 days after this episode), and I saw a 6 lb. weight loss it completely removed any bad thoughts that I had been having.  As far as how I have been doing physically, I find it still hard to get enough protein in each day.  If I don't get enough protein in, of course I feel weak and loss of energy.  Some days everything I eat doesn't agree with me and somedays everything I eat is wonderful.  It is truly a rollercoaster ride and one which requires LOTS of patience.  That is something that I have very little of.  I would ask that you all help me pray for my patience in this.  The hardest thing about all of this is the mental part.  Even though your body does not desire food at all, your mind still does.  When you sit down to a meal with your family and you see all the yummy stuff that they are eating and you can't, it really does affect you mentally.  It is very difficult to deal with.  The experts (those who have been through this surgery already) have told me that it gets easier and easier as time goes by.  I am looking forward to that.  I started back to work full-time this week.  This has been a challenge too.  My goal was to also start back to the gym everyday, but that hasn't happened yet.  I do have a very good reason for it though.  We had hardwood floors put in our home yesterday and up until then my gym stuff was buried under the contents of 3 closets.  I am slowly starting to get my house back together.  If I complete that task tonight then I will get my gym things together and head back tomorrow.  I know that once I start going back to the gym I will definitely see an increase in my weightloss.  Plus with 91 lbs. weightloss, you can imagine that I have got to start doing some toning.  Anyway, I have established very small goals which makes them very acheivable.  My goal right now is to get in the gym the last 2 days of this week.  My other goal is to see a 100 lb. weightloss.  That is only 9 lbs. away so I am hoping to see that in the next couple of weeks.  I go for my first post op visit tomorrow with my surgeon and I have a list of questions for him.  I think that has pretty much caught you all up to speed.  I promise not to wait so long until my next post.  Pictures to come soon.  I hope you all noticed the 2 I have already posted.  The first one was right before I started losing any weight.  The second was right before surgery and I had a 65 lb. weightloss there.  As soon as I hit that 100 lb. mark, I will have more pics for you!  Will you all also help me pray for a dear friends daughter who is about to embark on this journey through the lapband!  Love to you all! 

Forgot to post

I just realized that I forgot to post last week after I weighed.  I weighed in on Wednesday of last week and I had lost another 3 lbs.  That makes a total of 14 lbs. since surgery and a grand total of 79 lbs. altogether.  Today is exactly 3 weeks out from surgery.  I am feeling great.  I am doing really good eating and I feel more and more normal everyday.  I worked today.  I worked from home but nevertheless I did work.  I put in 9 hours.  I seemed to do pretty good with it.  I am going to work from home again tomorrow and try to go into the office on Wednesday and Thursday.  Then on Friday I will work from home again.  I didn't want to push myself into a full schedule and wear myself out.  I am probably going to weigh again this Wednesday since I will be back at work.  I am a little concerned about what I am going to take to work with me to eat.  I am having trouble in the mornings also.  I wake up and for most of my life I have not been a breakfast eater.  Well now, I have medicine, vitamins and protein that I have to try to get in.  My stomach doesn't want all that so I am really getting to where I don't want the protein shake at all.  I think another thing is because it takes me so long to drink 6 oz. that by the time I get done with it I just can't hardly stand to drink anymore of it.  My nutritionist has suggested that I order some "unflavored" protein powder that I can mix in with soups or anything that I am eating that has a sauce.  She said that is a great way to get the protein in.  I had to order it online but I hope it gets to me pretty quickly!  I read a lot of reviews about it and they were all good.  I have 6 more lbs. to go before I am officially in the 200's.  I am hoping to see that very soon!  I am getting a little frustrated about not having any clothes that fit me.  I have gotten a lot of clothes that I will be in hopefully in the next couple of months but for now I don't really have anything that fits.  Everything is either to big or to small.  I have to keep telling myself that this is only temporary.  I am so ready to get back into the gym and toning up my body.  People keep asking me if I feel a lot better and even though I do feel a lot better, every time I look in the mirror I still see a fat girl.  I wonder if that will ever change? 

2 weeks out

It is hard to believe that yesterday was 2 weeks since my surgery.  The past several days I have felt amazing.  Like I haven't even had surgery.  Eating is getter better by the day.  I still have no desire to eat but make myself eat several times a day.  My incisions are almost healed up.  They are itching which from my experience is a sign of healing.  I decided to go to Catherines today to try on some clothes just to see exactly how many sizes I have actually gone down.  I was able to get into a size 26 capri pant and a size 3x skirt.  My original size (before I started losing weight) was a size 34 pant (and that was beginning to get tight) and a 5x skirt/shirt.  I was pleased to see that I could get into a size 26.  That means that I can just about start looking at places like Wal-mart and Kohls for clothes.  Much cheaper than Catherines.  I am going to go by my office tomorrow so that I can weigh in.  Last week I was down 11 lbs. since surgery so I can't wait to see what this week holds.  I will let you all know!

Lesson learned

I've been doing so well that yesterday I decided to try something new....a piece of pizza.  I had been craving some pizza for a while so we ordered one for lunch.  We got a thin crust pizza with ham on it.  I ate 2 very very small pieces first (when I say very very small, I am talking a piece about the size of a 1/2 dollar).  I ate them very slowly and I did fine with it.  Then later on in the day, I was going to get ready to go out and grabbed another small slice and ate it as I was going down the hall to get ready.  I put absolutely no thought into eating it slowly or taking small bites and after I swallowed the last bite I began to hurt.  I could feel the food stuck in my esophagus.  This hurt so bad and made me so nauseated.  This went on for about 30 mins.  Then it finally passed through to my stomach.  I honestly thought I was dying.  I couldn't breathe good, I felt pressure in my chest, and I just knew I was going to throw up.  This is all the things I had read about and heard about would happen if I tried to eat to fast or didn't chew my food good.  I felt so stupid for doing this to myself.  The rest of the night I was nauseated and had a pain in my stomach.  I can definitely tell you that I will not try that again.  I am feeling much better today but am back to feeling scared to eat anything.  I never want to go through that again.  I am sure that won't be the last time I ever do anything like that but I pray that I don't.  I definitely learned a lesson from it.  All the things they taught me before surgery is very important to incorporate into my daily life where food is concerned.  My life is forever changed due to this surgery and I just have to get my head around that.  I guess because I feel so good and normal again that I forget how my life has changed.  To bad I had to learn the hard way! 

11 lbs.

I weighed yesterday and I am down 11 lbs. since my surgery.  That is pretty good considering it has only been 9 days since my surgery.  Today has probably been the best day I have had so far.  I got all my protein in, I feel fully energetic, and I was able to eat a regular meal with no pains or fullness feeling.  I went to K&W for lunch and was able to eat 1/4 of a 5 oz. chopped steak and about 8 green beans.  It was so good!  I have found the trick to eating and feeling satisfied.  I portion off what I know I can eat and box the rest up.  That way when I finish my food, my mind is satisfied.  I say my mind because my stomach is still not hungry but my mind tells me that I want more than I can have. If there is no more on my plate for me to eat then my mind can't play tricks on me!  It really works!  Even though I didn't make it into the 200's yet, I am only 8 lbs. away and I know I will hit it very soon!

Yay for soft foods

I got to start soft foods today.....and that makes me so happy!  This morning my husband cooked some breakfast and I had 1 scrambled egg with cheese and 1/4 strip of bacon.  It was so good to me....especially the bacon.  I made sure to chew the bacon extra to make sure it would go down ok.  Then this afternoon I went to Wendy's and got some chili (I've been looking forward to this)!  I brought it home and pureed a small amount.  I ended up getting about 3 good tbsp. in before I got full.  It was so good too.  I guess at this point most anything is gonna be good to me.  So far my stomach has tolerated everything I have put in it.  It is so good to be able to get some protein in without it being in a liquid form.  This is very encouraging to me.  Tomorrow morning I am going to weigh myself and I can hardly wait.  I don't even have scales at my house.  I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.  But I am so ready to see how much I weigh.  I'll check in tomorrow!

1 week post op

I am officially 1 week post op today.  Tomorrow I get to start introducing soft foods and I am so looking forward to that.  I have been on straight liquids (with the exception of a few cheats here and there) since June 5.  I am ready to put something in my mouth besides vitamins, pills, water, and protein shake.  I have been eating a little applesauce which tasted really good to me!  I am feeling really good.  I noticed today that I do feel run down due to lack of energy but that is to be expected.  Other than that I feel really good.  So much better than I ever expected to feel.  I am grateful to God for that.  I am going to go by my office on Wednesday morning to see my coworkers and to officially weigh in.  That will be 1 day shy of being exactly 2 weeks since I last weighed in.  I am very anxious to see what I'm down to now.  I hope to see the 200's this time!  My last weigh in was at 319 so that would mean that I would have to have lost at least 20 lbs. in the last 2 weeks in order to see the 200's.  I don't know if I have done that or not but I can hope.  If not, I won't be disappointed!  There are a couple things going on with my body since I have had my surgery.  My teeth feel funny.  I know that sounds crazy but they do.  I only notice it when I am taking my vitamins.  The vitamins taste so bad to me that I tried just letting them lay in my mouth until they disolve rather than chewing them.  I know that sounds crazy but they really do taste that bad.  When I just let them disolve, the taste isn't so bad.  I don't know if that has anything to do with my teeth or not but it's a change that I have noticed.  I am starting to see more hair loss also.  I expected this.  It isn't in huge amounts but it is enough that I can tell.  I am trying really hard to push my proteins in everyday and this seems to be the most difficult part of my journey so far.  I feel full all the time.  I mean full like when you eat a meal and you eat way to much and you are so full that you can barely move.  That is how full I feel 24/7.  I don't know if it is from where I am still bloated or if this is just how I am supposed to feel.  That makes it difficult to get anything in.  When you are that full you have no desire to eat.  Again all of these things are normal.  I went to take my Ambien last night and took a big ole gulp of water.  I am only supposed to be sipping.  That didn't go over so well.  I totally forgot to not drink a big gulp.  Just proves the power your brain has over you!  Anyway, I will update later this week with my current weight.  Keep praying for me!

Surgery - successful!

Today is 4 days since surgery and I am doing very good.  The first 2 days was pretty rough but each day I get better and better.  Still have a lot of gas pains built up but that is getting better each day as well.  I started back on liquids today.  While in the hospital I had nothing but ice chips and small sips of water.  Today I had a little bit of protein shake and some chicken broth along with my water.  It takes nothing at all (about a medicine cup full) to fill me up.  I am not hungry at all either.  The first couple of days if I saw food on the T.V. it made me feel nauseated but I am passed that now.  I have no appetite whatsoever and have to make myself drink my protein.  I don't feel nauseated when I do eat which I am thankful for because I had heard that some people got sick just trying to drink some protein shake.  The soreness is getting better also.  If I had to rate myself on how well I was doing (1 being really bad and 10 being really good) I would give myself an 8 - 9.  I am going to try to get out of the house tomorrow and we will see how that goes.  My son graduates on Saturday morning and I am very hopeful that I will be able to sit through that with no problems.  My hospital stay was really good.  All of the nursing staff, physicians, lab techs, etc. were all super nice and showed real care for me!  I am so thankful that I was able to do this and I'm looking forward to the results!

"S" Day

Today is surgery day.  I am at home preparing to go to the hospital and and really truly ready!  I am excited about this new journey I am about to embark on.  I will let you all know how I'm doing as soon as I can but for now know that my spirits are high, I feel God's presence with me, and I am ready to do this!  Love you all!

Pre-Op & Anesthesia appts.

I went for my pre-op appt. today as well as the anesthesia appt.  It went well.  I did find out that I have a heart murmur but no big deal.  I weighed in today which could be my final weigh in before my surgery.  I have lost another 5 lbs. which brings my total to 65 lbs. in 16 weeks.  I am super proud of that 5 lbs. considering how I ate this past weekend.  And because it is my birthday on Sunday and I will be on straight liquids that day, I am going to Deweys Bakery tomorrow to get a cupcake or something to celebrate my birthday.  I will be the big "40" and I'm not depressed about it at all.  I am ready to turn 40 and I am ready to have my surgery.  I will get the call tomorrow telling me what time to be at the hospital on Monday.  I hope this weekend goes by really fast!  I will try to update my blog just as soon as I can after surgery.  Pray for me!

6 more days

I am definitely on the down hill stretch.  After a very productive weekend this past weekend, cheating big time on this 3 week pre-surgery diet, and realizing that in less than a week not only will I turn 40 but I will be having my surgery, I have many emotions running through my head right now.  I had several things on a "to do" list that I wanted to get done here at the house before my surgery.  All of those have been checked off.  My body is feeling the aches and pain from all the hard work but it was well worth it.  By Thursday night of last week, I had had all of the chicken, broccoli, carrots and green beans that I could take.  So I decided that I had to have something different.  What did a choose?  A cheeseburger from McDonalds.  It was so good.  I also stole 3 french fries from my boys.  Even though it was just a regular cheeseburger I was completely satisfied.  Then, Friday I did good.  On Saturday, another craving hit me like a ton of bricks.  I had my husband take me to Hardees for breakfast (my favorite fast food breakfast place).  I ordered a biscuit and gravy combo with a regular coke.  I also ordered a sausage biscuit.  I ate about 1/2 of the biscuit and gravy and hash rounds and all but a couple of bites of the sausage biscuit.  I took one sip of the coke and couldn't hardly stand it because it was so sweet.  That food was so good.  I enjoyed every single bite of it!  Then on Sunday I got the craving of a milkshake from Cook Out.  My precious husband went out and got me and the kids (and himself) a milkshake.  I ate the whole thing!  Last but not least, my husband ordered pizza from Dominoes last night.  I wasn't going to eat any because I had just had a protein shake.  The smell overcome me though.  I ended up having 2 slices of pizza.  It was so good but boy did it give me heartburn.  So all of my cravings have been met and I do not feel the least bit guilty.  I had been depriving myself of these things for so long and I just couldn't take it anymore.  I am dreading weighing this week because I feel like I will probably gain some of my weight back.  If I do, that is ok.  I won't be mad at myself.  But I'm hoping I don't.  Then today I realized that I only have 5 days until I turn 40 and 6 days until my surgery.  I never realized the day would get here so fast.  Back in January, June 6 seemed like such a long ways away.  But I can honestly say that it went by very quickly!  I will be posting another picture this weekend of my "before surgery but down 60 lbs." size.  I am so ready for this surgery.  Mentally, physically, emotionally and I am so ready to turn 40. I know a lot of people dread turning 40 but I don't.  It will be a huge milestone in my life that I will always be able to look back on and remember the change I made at this age.  I will let you all know on Thursday what I weighed in at!  Until then I ask that you say a prayer for me and my upcoming surgery. 

2 steps forward, no steps back

As of today, I reached my weight loss goal (pre-surgery).  I have lost a total of 60 lbs.  I can't believe that I have done so well.  I am so proud of myself.  I still have another week and a half on this pre-surgery diet so I will be interested to see how much more weight I lose in that time.  I lost 6 lbs. since last Thursday.  I am pushing myself harder in the gym (or at least I feel like I am).  I also got news on the situation with Chris.  They have decided that they will give him credit for the 2 years that he was on my insurance from 2004-2006 and add it to the amount of time he has been on it this year.  He still has to be on it for 3 years which makes it November 7 before he can have his surgery but we are thankful that he is going to get to have his surgery this year and not have to wait 3 years to do it.  We accept that this is God's will and his plan.  Needless to say today has been a good day.  I do have to admit something though!  I ran through McDonalds tonight to get the kids something to eat and just couldn't take it anymore.  I gave in and had a cheeseburger and 3 french fries.  I knew that I could not eat chicken 1 more time and I had been craving a burger since I started this pre-surgery diet.  I gave in.  It was so good too and I don't regret it one bit.  Six months ago it would have been a Big Mac combo with an apple pie.  Today is was just a regular cheeseburger and 3 french fries.  My craving has been satisfied and I feel better.  No regrets!

Sick of chicken

I never thought that I would say this but I am really sick of chicken.  That is all I have eaten (as far as meat goes) for the last 8 days.  I am truly used to this pre-surgery diet as far as being hungry.  That doesn't bother me anymore.  But this limited menu is about to get me.  My choices of meat are grilled chicken breast or white fish.  I don't do fish so it's chicken breast for me.  I think I am about to grow feathers.  Ugh!  Anyway, the diet is going well other than being sick of what I get to eat.  Everything is lined up for my surgery now.  I have all my appointments set up.  The only thing I have left to do is order my vitamins.  And get my house in order (cleaned) before the big day.  I am ready to get this done!  I think that I am mentally and physically prepared.  Back in January when I found out that I had to do this 3-month multi-disciplinary diet, I was disappointed but now I am so thankful that I had to.  It has truly prepared my mind and body for this surgery and I am ready for it!

1 step forward, 2 steps back

Today has been a great day on one hand, but on the other a very disappointing day.  As you all know by now, Thursdays are my weigh in days.  I get on the scale this morning having accepted the fact that I would have either stayed the same weight or gained weight.  I say this because of this past weekend how I had so much junk food to eat trying to get it all in before D-day on Monday.  However when I stepped on the scale this morning, I realized that it said 330.  I got off and back on it 3 more times and sure enough every time it was 330.  That means I had lost 8 lbs. since last Thursday.  That brings my total weight loss to 54 lbs.  I guess all this starving I have been doing this week has paid off.  Then later on today I received a call from the surgeons office telling me that my surgery had been approved but that Chris's was denied.  They have denied his surgery because they say that he has to be on my insurance for 3 consecutive years before he is eligible for this benefit.  The doctors office did not know that this change had been made with our insurance.  I got so upset.  Chris happened to be down in the gym.  I went down there and got him and took him outside.  I just busted out crying because I knew how disappointed he was going to be.  Needless to say he took it way better than I thought he would.  The battle is not over though.  I have contacted a few people to see if this can be overrode and the nutritionist also said she was going to work on it as well.  I am believing God that He will bring this to light and we are praying for his will to be done.  If this is not his will for Chris at this time, we can deal with that.  I thank God for giving me the strength to get through these last 4 days.  Each day is getting easier and easier for me.  I still find myself being hungry however, I am not sitting around thinking about eating.  That is totally God.  I am probalby not getting much more than 700 calories a day if that so there is no reason I should not be sitting around every minute thinking about eating.  I can do all things through Christ which stengtheneth me and he has certainly given me the strength to get through this.  So my earlier post about it is harder than I expected is no longer true.  It is definitely getting easier day by day!

Harder than I thought it would be

Yesterday I started my pre-surgery diet.  I knew that it was going to be hard but not this hard.  I am actually feeling hunger pains in my stomach....not just the growling that you usually get.  Today I started feeling really weak.  My friend who is helping me in the gym has told me that now is the time to really burn the fat and to do that I have to get in the gym more.  So yesterday I went to the gym during my lunch and after work.  Today I only went during lunch.  By the time I left work I felt so weak that I could barely go.  When my friend sent me a text to ask me if I was in the gym doing my cardio, I told her no because I was just to weak.  She told me to put my big girl panties on and push through it.  I know she is right and I know I've got to do it so I pray that God gives me the strength that I need to get through these next 3 weeks.  My meals yesterday consisted of:

Breakfast - protein shake (9:00 am)
Lunch - carrot sticks, light yogurt (4 oz.), apple (1:00 pm)
Snack - protein shake (3:30 pm)
Dinner - grilled chicken breast (3 oz), 1/2 cup green beans (7:00 pm)
Snack - sugar free Jello gelatin (8:30 pm)

Today was not much different.  I do ok during the day but now at night time is when I am feeling the hunger pains.  Not to mention that just about every commercial on TV revolves around food.  I know that in the end this will all be worth it but right now it is extremely hard.  I have had thoughts today about just eating what I wanted to because I have already lost 46 lbs. and that is way more than most people lose before surgery anyway so whats the big deal.  But I know I can't do that.  I have come way to far to give up now.  I just ask for extra prayers during these next 3 weeks and I will keep you updated on my progress.

Tomorrow is the big day

Tomorrow is the day I begin my 3-week pre-surgery diet.  I would like to say I am prepared and ready to begin but I know I'm not.  I have spent the weekend enjoying all the foods that I love because it will be quite some time before I get to enjoy them again.  As of this past Thursday, I have lost a total of 46 lbs., losing 4 lbs. last week.  I know for sure that this week when I weigh in that I will not have lost anything else.  I am just praying that after eating the way I have this weekend that I don't gain weight.  I hope you all will be praying for me over the next three weeks as I prepare my body for my surgery!

Blessing

Someone blessed my heart today and gave me encouragement that I never imagined.  I don't even know her name.  But I just want to thank God for that blessing.  I know that God brings people into our lives for many different reasons.  Today I was in the gym working out and for some reason this week has been harder than it has every been for me.  I don't know why.  You would think that it would be getting easier but it isn't.  I normally do 35 mins. on the treadmill rotating between a 7 and a 9 incline.  I got 30 mins. in and had to stop.  Now don't get me wrong.  There have been many days in the past that I have wanted to stop but didn't.  I just pushed through the pain and the sweat.  Today I couldn't though.  I felt as if I was gonna vomit and pass out all at the same time.  So I stopped and was walking back to the locker room.  Going into the locker room my friend who has also been "training" me in the gym was coming out.  She asked me what I was doing.  I told her I just couldn't do the 35 mins. today.  She told me that I could.  I told her I couldn't and started explaining to her why I couldn't.  She put the fan in my face and stood there and talked to me a few minutes until I could cool down.  After I cooled down, she told me she wanted me to go back out there and finish my work out.  She said just give me that last 5 mins.  You can do it on the bike.  So I hesitantly agreed.  After a couple mins. on the bike I told her that I wasn't just gonna do 5 mins. but I was gonna do 10 mins.  Of course she was rooting me on.  So I did my 10 mins.  Afterward, I headed back to the locker room to shower and get dressed so I could come back to work.  I am standing there about to go, but I was trying to dry my hair and get all the sweat out.  As I am standing there in front of the fan, this young African American girl comes out of one of the dressing stalls and asks me how much weight I have lost.  I told her 42 lbs. as of last Thursday.  She said "well I just wanted to tell you that you have been a true inspiration to me.  I have watched you come to the gym everyday that I am down here and I can see your weight melting off and it has truly inspired me to do better too."  We walked out together and continued talking and when we parted I just about started crying thinking to myself how good God is to send a stranger my way to encourage me.  Even though she said that I encouraged her, she encouraged me even more.  My friend who trains me said to me today (before I went back out to finish my workout) that if I talked myself out of my last few minutes today that it would only get easier and easier for me to talk myself out of it everyday.  Well after this stranger met me and said those kind words it reminded me of how far I had come and how I was not gonna stop now.  I believe that it was no coincidence that this took place the way it did today.  I could have very easily have finished my workout the first time and missed seeing this girl in the locker room.  I could have very easily refused my friend who was telling me to go finish my work out and miss this girl....but it was all in God's plan for us to run into each other today.  So I want to thank God for his blessing that he sent my way today (and everyday).  Each and every blessing I receive still amazes me at just how good He is.  I hope everyone who reads this post receives a blessing today!

It's Almost Time!

The time is quickly approaching where I start my 3-week pre-surgery diet.  Although I am not looking forward to it, I know that it is a small thing considering what I have accomplished thus far.  I am also looking forward to boosting my weight lose right before my surgery.  My husband and I went to our last class with the nutritionist yesterday and received all the information of what we could expect during surgery and after.  It is hard to believe that it is almost time for me to have my surgery and then my husband to have his.  I am not nervous about it yet but I am sure that I will be when I get even closer.  I weighed in last Thursday and was down 2 more pounds.  That makes a total of 42 lbs. so far.  I expect to eat "my last supper" this coming weekend since I start my 3-week diet on Monday.  I have a good friend who is have her weight lose surgery tomorrow and I am saying extra prayers for her tonight!  I know that God's hands will be on her.  This past weekend was pretty decent even though I'm sure I ate more than I should have on Sunday.  But hey it was Mothers Day and since I am a mother I had to celebrate.  I will be interested to see how that affects my weight lose this week.  I went to the gym today after not having gone there since last Friday.  I thought I was going to die!  It just proved to me that exercising has got to be a part of my daily routine otherwise my body will quickly get out of shape.  I am ready to start my new life and feel better!

Eat to live, not live to eat

I am sitting here at work wondering if I will ever get to the point where I eat to live and not live to eat.  Yet again, there is another Deweys birthday cake in the breakroom right now.  It is for April's birthday's.  I walked back there knowing there was cake and that it was probably Deweys, only to get some water to take some medicine with.  I started craving that cake the minute I opened the door.  Then to see all of my coworkers sitting around enjoying it made it that much harder.  When does it get easy?  Does it get easy?  It is times like these that I can do nothing but pray and lean on God to give me the strength to beat this temptation.  I have had a great 2 weeks.  Eating pretty good and bumped my exercising way up.  I am feeling really good.  Most people are finally telling me how they can tell that I have lost a lot of weight.  We go for our last visit this week with the nutritionist and psychologist before our surgery.....things are looking good BUT I realized that I am still weak when it comes to food.  Well maybe I shouldn't say that I am weak.  I was able to leave the breakroom without touching that cake and that is a huge milestone for me but my brain is still telling me how much I would love to have a piece of it.  And I'm not the least bit hungry either.  Don't get me wrong, I am extremely proud of how far I have come but I truly pray that one day I will get to the point where I eat to live and not live to eat! 

Downsized

I went to the "fat" woman's clothing shop (Catherine's) yesterday for the first time since I have been losing weight.  I knew that I had dropped at least 1 size because the clothes I have were getting to big.  So I found a light jacket and tried it on.  It was a 3x.  I normally buy a 5x because i need it big enough to cover my belly.  Well when I tried on the 3x, guess what?  It was way to big.  I couldn't believe it.  I am slowly getting out of the plus sized clothing.  I know I still have a ways to go but just seeing that 2 sizes smaller is still to big on me made me feel really good.  I can't wait until I start shrinking enough to buy clothes from Target or Walmart.  Starting to get really excited about my surgery.  It's only 5 weeks away now!

Just Say NO

I have finally realized that it is not just a fleeting moment, or the need to not look like I can't do what I say I will do, but I have truly learned how to say No and mean it.  Yesterday, AGAIN, there were Deweys cupcakes brought to work.  As soon as they came back to the breakroom I was finishing up lunch and decided to just go back to my desk.  Then later that afternoon I went back to the breakroom thinking that all of the cupcakes would be gone only to find a whole dozen still back there.  I got my apple out of my lunch bag and stood right beside the box of cupcakes and started cutting up the apple and thought, "I truly do not want one of those things."  You have to understand what a HUGE milestone this is for me.  As I have said before, there is nothing on this earth that I would rather eat than Deweys cake.  It absolutely is my favorite food.  To be able to stand right beside a whole box of cupcakes and eat an apple is truly an accomplishment that I am extremely proud of.  After I finished my apple, I left the breakroom not thinking twice about those cupcakes.  I got back on the scales today (since Thursday has become my weigh in day) and guess what......I have lost 3 more lbs.  This brings my total weight loss to 40 lbs. now!  All of the cupcakes, cake squares, burgers and fries, and junk food that I have given up over the past 3 months has truly been worth it.  Today I feel like food no longer has control over me.  That doesn't mean that I will always feel this way but today I do and it feels so good.  A good friend of mine has committed to help me reach a goal of losing 60 lbs. before my surgery.  That means I have 20 more lbs. to go in 5 1/2 weeks.  For once in my life I believe that I can do it.  It started today with a really tuff workout in the gym.  But even after that workout where I thought I was going to die, I feel great.  I have more energy than ever. What can I say......it has been a great day where food is concerned!

Another big leap

Today is weigh in day and guess what???   3 more lbs. down!  I am so excited about that!  I have lost a total of 37 lbs. and it feels so good.  I have been through times of doubting whether or not I still want to have surgery....don't worry...that is normal.  However when I lose weight and see the results of my hard work, it makes me that more excited about my surgery.  ALL of my clothes that I wore 37 lbs. ago are getting extremely big on me.  And that is fine with me!  I have a really good friend who has decided to have surgery and she called today with her new surgery date.  May 11 for her....wow...that is only a few weeks away!  I'm so happy for her and looking forward to seeing how things go for her before my surgery gets here.  Chris is still doing great too.  It's hard to believe that I will be starting my 3-week pre-surgery diet in about 3 1/2 weeks!  Ugh...that's the part I'm dreading the most.  I can do it though! 

Tired

After a long week last week of going to church every night and then a busy weekend, I am exhausted.  I have passed the feeling of wanting to eat all the time though which is a great thing.  I feel like I am back to they way I was in the beginning of this journey where I wanted to do really good all the time.  I know it won't last but I am going to savor it while I have it.  I will weigh in at work on Thursday and hope to be down at least another pound or two.  It is a long weekend coming up so I pray that I will stay busy and keep my mind off of eating.  I am gonna try to get a new book to read to help keep my mind occupied.  I do plan on having a relaxing weekend.  I have not exercised this week at all but thats due to my monthly female friend that visited this week.  Just can't deal with sweating and that.  I will get back on track with that by the end of the week.  I went to a Home Interior party tonight and there was all kinds of great food there but rather than eating the junk food, I chose fruit.  I am proud of myself.  I have never done anything like that in my life.  It really shows how far I have come.  About a month from now I will be starting my pre-surgery diet which will be brutal.  I am trying not to think about it!  I'm ready to get it over with and have my surgery!

A tuff week

This past week has been another tuff week as far as me wanting to eat all kinds of things that I shouldn't.  Overall I haven't done that bad but I feel like I could have.  Thursday mornings are my days to weigh at work.  I had decided last night that if I got back on the scale and hadn't lost anything AGAIN.....I was definitely going to McDonald's and have a Big Mac and large fry.  I get on the scale this morning and I have lost another 4 lbs.  That makes a total of 34 lbs. so far.  Then this afternoon they brought cupcakes into work again.  As soon as I realized they were there I went to the breakroom and started eating my apple.  I would have loved to have a cupcake but I made the CHOICE to have an apple instead.  It made me realize just how far I have come to be able to do that.  It has definitely put me back on track and took away the desire to "eat the paint off the walls" or just go all out and make a pig of myself.  I'm proud!

Beginning to hate weekends!

I have realized now (starting into my 10th week of this diet) that I am beginning to hate weekends.  Not really but when food is involved I do.  This past weekend was a really good weekend.  Although I could have done a whole lot worse on my food, I could have done a whole lot better.  So Saturday night by the time my husband and I got to eat supper we were both so starved that we were just ready to eat.  We didn't care where or how much, we were just ready to eat.  Where did we go????  The most dangerous place anyone can go to eat who is trying to lose weight.....a BUFFET!  That's right, we went to Golden Corral.  My husband didn't do all that bad.  He started off with a healthy salad, then moved on to some healthy veges and lean beef.  When he finally finished he ended up eating on 3 oatmeal raisin cookies.  Me on the other hand.....I started off with fried popcorn shrimp, a piece of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, mac n' cheese, a garlic cheese biscuit and a yeast roll.  Can I tell you that I loved every single bite of it too!  I even left the skin on the piece of chicken (my favorite part).  It was WONDERFUL.  After I finished that plate I was feeling pretty full and decided not to go back for seconds on the regular food but to hit the dessert bar.  I had some vanilla ice cream with caramel poured over top.  Then after that I went back up there and got a mini cup cake with icing, and 3 cookies.  I ate all of it except for the ice cream....didn't eat all of it.  By the time I finished I was wishing I could just go somewhere and puke.  All that food that tasted so great was making me so sick and I just kept saying - This was so stupid of us.  Of course we went home right after that and because of my Carb high, I went straight to bed where I spent the rest of my evening/night sleeping.  Then comes Sunday.  All of you know by now that Sunday is our worst day just because we are not at home at all and usually eat out both meals on Sunday.  Well yesterday was no exception.  We went to one of our local favorite restaurants and I did very well there.  But afterwards, I told Chris I wanted a milkshake from Cookout and of course he didn't say NO.  So we both ate a whole milkshake a piece.  It was so delicious but again I was so miserable.  I did however this time go into the gym at church with our kids an played some basketball with them so at least I burned a few calories.  Then for supper, we ate mexican.  I didn't do to bad there....just 1 taco, some rice, and a few chips with salsa.  Back to Monday and back on track.  I love having a planned schedule for my meals.  I love knowing exactly how many calories I have taken in each day.  I hope that when I weigh in this Thursday, that I will have gone down a few pounds since I didn't move last week.  This is REAL life.  This is what I will be dealing with the remainder of my life where food is concerned.  I truly want to overcome the temptations that I face and I know with God's help I will.  The old saying of doing something 21 days makes it a habit.  Well I can say that is true for somethings I have done but where sweets are concerned it is so not true.  I crave sweets after every meal, every single day of my life.  I have to overcome and I will!  I encourage you all if you are trying to lose weight to keep a daily food journal.  It is very easy to "forget" even small things that you have eaten but if you are writing it all down you won't be able to.  Not only does it hold you accountable for what you put in your mouth, it also gives you a sense of accomplishment when you look at it at the end of the day and see that you did not exceed your calories for that day.  It is a lot of work, but it is worth it.

Holding steady

I weighed in today on the scale at work and I was the same today as I was last Thursday - 30 lbs down.  I can tell that I am getting close to having my "monthly" friend.  I feel like I could eat the paint off the walls even though I am not hungry at all.  I just want to EAT!  This past weekend wasn't the greatest either.  I ate dessert on Saturday night, which I haven't done since I started all this.  Then I was off work Monday which meant an extra day of being "off" on my normal schedule.  I do really good during the week when I have a set schedule.  On the weekends, not so great because there is no schedule there.  I found myself being glad I was back at work on Tuesday just so I could get back on track.  I hate this feeling - feeling like I could eat the walls when I'm not hungry.  I almost got depressed when I weighed this morning but then I thought, "at least I didn't gain any weight."  My surgery is exactly 2 months from today and the closer it gets the more excited and nervous I get all at the same time.  I desire your prayers because losing weight is still an everyday battle.  My pray is that God will take the control that food has over my life away and allow me to control it....or maybe I should say let him control it because he has all the power and I have none!  I am excited over the fact that I am one size down in my clothes and I am able to wear work clothes that I haven't worn in a long time!  It will get better - I know it will....as soon as my monthly shows up.  The week prior is the worst for me.  I am still encouraged though at how much better I feel already.  Brighter days ahead!

Peanut Butter

If you know me well enough, you know that I love peanut butter more than anything.  I would take a peanut butter pie or some peanut butter balls any day over anything chocolate.  As I think back to when this journey started I don't think I have had any peanut butter.  Although peanut butter is great for protein, it is kind of high in fat.  Even the low fat is a little high in fat.  So I have tried to avoid it altogether.  Well today when I got home from work the thought of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich hit me like a ton of bricks.  I started thinking about how good it would be to have one and I just couldn't get it off my mind.  I got on the computer and looked up the nutritional value in peanut butter and jelly.  I saw that 1 tbsp. of Jif peanut butter (my favorite) has 16 grams of fat and 1 tbsp. of Welch's grape jelly has 13 grams of sugar (no fat though).  I knew that I had the calories left for the remainder of the day that I could pull 1 sandwich off but did I want to waste them all on just 1 sandwich.  I knew it wouldn't last me until I went to bed and that I would be hungry again.  So I settled to go with my original idea for supper - soup and a sandwich.  I go into the kitchen and start my supper and I just had to do it.  I had to have a spoonful of peanut butter.  I dug my teaspoon down into the jar and pulled out a heaping serving (probably about 1 1/2 tsp. worth).  I said (outloud)..."I have got to have a spoonful of this."  So in my mouth it goes and I was in total bliss.  I was just umm'ing and ahh'ing and even said (outloud) "this is the best stuff in the world."  I think next to Dewey's cake, it's my favorite thing in the world.  I finished off the peanut butter then finished putting my supper together.  So here I sit, full and satisfied, and super glad that I didn't give in to temptation.  Oh yeah....and 1 tsp. did the job....it satisfied my temptation.  I'm learning little by little that food does not have to control me....that I can control it!  :)

The Big "30"

Well I have done it!  I just weighed in and I have hit my 30 lb. loss mark!  I am down 30 lbs.  I knew this day would come but I had no idea it would come BEFORE surgery!  I feel great!  The last 2 days people have actually said to me that they can see the lbs. melting off.  This makes me want to go to the gym and hop on that treadmill and run - not walk!  I know I'm not there yet but one day I will be!  On such a rainy yucky day, this is an awesome surprise!  30 lbs. in 7 1/2 weeks.  I have 10 weeks until surgery.  What if I loose another 30 lbs. before surgery?  That would be awesome!  Sorry for all the exclamation marks but I am super excited!  It's a great day!  By the way, I have now set this blog up so that you can follow by e-mail.  I thought it automatically did that if you became a follower but since I am all new to the Blog World I found that I really didn't know what I was talking about.  Look to the right of the screen ("Follow by e-mail").   After you put your e-mail address in you should receive an e-mail every time I post something new!

God's Strength

I am continually amazed at God's strength that he gives me everyday.  My entire life (well at least from about age 13) I have battled weight.  I have spent my life on yo-yo diets.  I would do really good the first couple of weeks or even the first couple of months, and then I would hit a plato of about 50 lbs. or so and that would be it.  I couldn't find the strength to keep the weight loss going.  I have felt like a failure in this area of my life for most of my life.  Then I started down this new journey and have realized that I'm not a failure. I have just not leaned on God's strength the way that I should have.  All the talk about "eat less, exercise more", "you gotta have the will power to do it", "you have to want to do it for yourself, no one else", and "you can do it if you put your mind to it"....that's all true.  But what I have learned through everything is that until I gave it all to God and asked him for the strength to get through this battle (and it is a daily battle) I will never succeed.  For anyone who has ever tried to loose weight, even if you only had to loose 10 lbs., you know what a struggle it can be.  The only advice I have is to lean on God.  He can and will carry you through the battle.  I had a great weekend this past weekend.  Very relaxing and not to bad in the food area.  I did have a little more than half of a milkshake from Cookout but other than that I did pretty good!  

Bounce back

Today is a much better day.  No longer feeling down.  Feeling energetic and ready to get some things done.  It's a great day to hang around the house because it is chilly outside and it looks like it's gonna rain.  So I have spent most of the morning just sitting around watching movies and the Food Network (my favorite TV channel).  I have also done some laundry and I'm about to go clean my shower.  Then I will make a wonderful dinner of baked chicken tenders with roasted potatoes and mixed vegetables.  I am sure we will spend the evening catching up on some of our DVR shows.  I love days like today.  Nothing to do, no expectations from anyone, and relaxing!  My idea of a great Saturday.  Tomorrow we will spend the day in Mt. Airy going to church and then hanging out until evening service starts so again another relaxing day!  Love it!

A blah day

Today I am feeling really blah and down.  I don't know why.  I haven't messed up with my food.  I haven't gotten any bad news.  Work is the same as always.  Money is good.  Got out last night and walked my mile.  I just feel blah.  I don't like feeling like this but I know that I will have times like this.  I guess I have been on a high for so long that it is time for me to be blah.  We went to see the nutritionist and the psychologist yesterday.  They both told us that we were doing exceptionally well and that we needed to be their "poster child" for the program.  I have lost a total of 26.5 lbs. and Chris has lost a total of 14 lbs.  They told us that those weightlosses were above average.  We also scheduled our last meeting with them which is scheduled for May 5.  I am excited about that.....that means that it is almost time for surgery!  Tomorrow will be a better day!

Feeling great!

Today was a great day!  I got on the scale at work again today.  I am down 3 more lbs.  That made me so happy.  That is a total of 26 lbs. now in a little over a month and a half.  Then a good friend of mine took me downstairs to the gym and said she wanted to show me something.  We get down there and she hands me a 25lb. weight.  I grabbed it and could barely hold it because it was so heavy and I'm not that strong.  She looked at me and said, that's how much you have lost plus one more lb.  I just stood there and couldn't believe it.  To feel 25 lbs. in that capacity really made me realize just how much I had lost.  I can tell you that I never want those lbs. back!  Then after I got home this evening, I cooked supper and Chris and I went for a walk.  We walked a mile.  My goal right now is to exercise 3 times a week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) so this was like an extra day of exercise for me.  It felt really good.  I am still amazed daily at how much better I am feeling (physically) even though I have only lost what seems like a small amount of weight (compared to what I need to loose).  I can't wait until Thursday when I see the nutritionist again.  Looking forward to seeing how much I have lost according to her (the real) scales!

Great weekend - tuff Monday

My weekend was awesome!  The weather was beautiful, my family was with me the whole weekend, and I did pretty good on my food.  As usual, Sunday seemed to be the test for us.  We had lunch with some friends.  They cooked for us.  It was 1/2 healthy!  Grilled chicken strips with pasta/alfredo sauce and garlic bread.  Then Sunday night - ooohhhh Sunday night!  We went to eat at Arbys with a bunch of church friends.  Chris and I decided on the way there that we were going to go all out.....Beef n' Cheddar and potato cakes!  It tasted so good but afterwards I was so full and miserable.  The only regret that I had was that I ate all of it and didn't stop when I got full.  I don't regret eating the food though.  It's nice to splurg every once in a while.....or every weekend in our case!  :)  Anyway, back to the normal routine today.  Work was tuff today.  My work has doubled over the last month but there is still just me doing my job.  I did do really great today with my food though and I did go to the gym on my lunch hour and walk the treadmill for a half hour.  Then tonight I came home and cooked supper.  Chris is on first shift this week so after we ate supper he and I went and made a lap around the neighborhood.  I'm sure I will feel the soreness in my back and legs tomorrow but hey.....exercising twice in one day is AWESOME!  Go me!  Makes the Beef n' Cheddar yesterday seem not so bad afterall!  We go for our next visit to the nutritionist this week (Thursday).  I am super excited to weigh in on her scales and get my official weight loss!  Surgery is just a little over 2 months now....time sure is flying by - and I am ready!

Dewey's Bakery

My favorite food in the entire world is cake from Dewey's Bakery.  If I'm gonna eat something I would rather have that than anything else in the world!  So in the past several weeks I have had a couple of opportunities to enjoy my favorite food but passed it by.  I was trying to be good.  Well today at work, there was a huge box of cake squares brought into work for us.  I found out they were there just before I went into a meeting.  As soon as the announcement was made several of us looked at each other and said, "let's go."  I shot back to the breakroom faster than lightening.  I was back there, picking out a cake square with lots of icing, and back to the conference room eating it before I could even think about it.  I did eat the cake square, and I had no regrets about it.  In fact, I was telling the others who were in there with me that I just knew there would be Dewey's cake in Heaven when I got there!  Then later on tonight when I had time to slow down, I reflected back on my "heavenly" experience and I realized just how much control food has over my life.  I mean I was up and back there grabbing me a cake square before I even knew what was happening.  Again, I don't regret eating just that 1 cake square.  In fact, I'm pretty proud of myself because in the past I would not have stopped at one.  What I did learn was that just eating that 1 cake square satisfied my craving (or need) and I didn't think about the cake anymore the rest of the day.  That is a huge step for me!  So I look at today as a another accomplishment!

What a difference a day makes

Don't laugh but yesterday I was feeling fat!  Ok I know that I am fat but up until yesterday I was actually feeling better about myself and could feel a difference in my body and the things I was able to do.  But this past weekend was sort of a bomb - especially on Sunday.  And then Monday I made one of my dear friends a birthday cake, which afterwords I couldn't let the extra cream cheese icing go to waste.  So I had to eat some of it.  So needless to say, yesterday I was feeling fat again.....not a good feeling after you have started feeling better.  Well I decided this morning that when I got to work I would weigh since I haven't weighed in a while.  I get on the scales and what did I see?  361......woop woop!  That's right, I am now down 23 lbs.!  What a great feeling it is to see my dedication and hard work pay off.  I started going to the gym this week.  I went Monday after work and was a little uncomfortable just because there were so many "skinny" people in there.  So today I have decided to go on my lunch time and get on the treadmill for 30 mins.  I have to get a new pair of tennis shoes because the ones I have are about 5 or 6 years old and they just kill my feet.  I'm hoping that there won't be to many skinny people there when I go!  LOL! 

Turning over a new leaf

I realized this morning on my way to take the boys to school that I am not doing nearly enough of the things that I should be doing in my life.  I guess my life has been so focused on other things that I simply let the important things fall by the wayside.  What I mean is that I have not been devoting enough time to God as I should be.  I haven't been reading my bible and praying the way that I should.  He gave his son for me so why can't I give him some of my time back.  So I have made a commitment today that beginning tomorrow, I am going to get up every morning, including weekends early enough to have my devotions and prayer time.  I am going to start my day off with God.  I am also committing today that I am going to start my exercise regimen.  I am committing to at least 3 days a week.  Starting today, I am going to the gym (which is here in the building I work in) and exercise (ride the bike or walk the treadmill) for 30 mins.  I am going to do this 3 times a week until I can work myself up to another level.  My goal is that by the time I have my surgery I will be able to exercise at least 1 hour 5 times a week.  So I ask that those of you who read this to please pray for me in these new commitments of mine.  I know that I have to get closer to God in order for him to move in certain areas of my life.  My weight loss is one, my son going off to college is another.  I believe that he has great things in store for me and I know that with his help I will be able to succeed at these new commitments!  By the way, as far as food goes....yesterday was a bomb!  LOL!  But you know what...that is life.  I didn't get down on myself about it.  I just realized that days like yesterday are gonna happen in life and I just have to pick myself up and get back on track (which I did today) and keep it moving (as a very dear friend of mine always tells me)!  Love to you all! 

Love my Kitchen!

Today has been a wonderful day!  Not only was the weather perfect today, but I also got to spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen doing what I love to do best - BAKE!  I haven't done that since before Christmas when I spent to so much time in there baking my Christmas goodies!  I love spending time in my kitchen and I love baking and cooking.  I wished I could do it full-time but that is not what the Lord has planned for me right now.  Today I made a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake and a White Chocolate Key Lime Mousse Cake.  Both we love A LOT, but they won't stay here for us.  They are going to church tomorrow for some friends who have been begging me for them.  The Key Lime is absolutely Chris's favorite dessert that I make so he may end up cutting one piece for himself.  It is also my youngest son's favorite so I'm sure he will want some too!  It's funny that although I was in the kitchen doing what I love to do and making some AMAZING desserts, my mind nor my stomach one time thought...."I can't wait to get into this".  I simply just enjoyed my time being able to do it and knowing that I will be making someone very happy tomorrow!  I have found that I express my love the most towards those close to me by cooking for them.  I also was able to sit out on my deck today in the sun for about an hour reading.  Had my windows open most of the day to.  This kind of weather just makes me feel good!  Should have gotten out and walked today.  I haven't been able to commit to that yet but my plan is to start on Monday.  There is a gym in the building where I work and I plan on start going after work at least 3 times a week and walking on the treadmill or riding the bike.  The nutritionist told us the last time we were there to see her that we had to start exercising 3 times per week.  Mostly because after surgery we are gonna have to exercise.  That has always been a weakness of mine!  Just pray that I can get motivated to do this! 

Yay for Friday!

It's Friday - my favorite day of the work week!  I am sitting here at work eating my grapes, strawberries and banana for my breakfast.  I weighed this morning on the scales here at work and according to those scales I am down a total of 20 lbs.  I don't go back to see the nutritionist until March 24 so I won't know for sure until then because those are the scales that matter.  I will also be seeing the psychologist for my 2nd visit with him that same day.  Less than three months now until my surgery.  I am so ready.  I can say that I am starting to feel some pressure about my son going to college because we received notice last night of his financial aid worksheet.  He's not getting to much so I ask you all to pray that God will supply our need in that area.  So Chris is working on Saturday night which means we won't be going out to dinner and I won't have to worry about going over my calories for the day.  It is Sunday that seems to be our day of struggle.  But I have learned that splurging every now and again isn't bad for you.  So I am no longer going to allow Sunday to be a huge deal for us where food is concerned.  I am feeling really good and my clothes are getting looser by the day!  I saw some before and after pictures of a lady the other day who has been through this surgery and I was completely amazed.  In fact every time that I look at stuff like that it gets me so excited that one day that will be me!

Real life

The weekend has come and gone and it showed me what real life where eating is concerned is really all about.  I do really great throughout the week.  Pack my lunch everyday with healthy items.  Don't really eat out and if I do it's always something that I know what the nutritional values are.  I'm able to stay busy in the evenings so I don't really think about eating all that much.  But come the weekends, it all goes to pot.  Well let me back up....it doesn't all go to pot until about Sunday.  Sunday seems to be the day when I am just ready to EAT!  So this past weekend, we went to Olive Garden on Saturday night which we did really really good!  Then come Sunday, by the time we got out of church we were so ready to eat that we were both saying that we really didn't care what we eat.  In reality we do care but that just goes to show you how food can take over your mind if you allow it to.  Sunday at lunch we went to eat at Ruby Tuesdays and we did pretty good!  Had a low fat meal but we did order a dessert which all of us (the whole family) shared.  Then Sunday night we went out to eat with some people from church to a mexican restaurant that we love.  Although I didn't do all that bad, I had the mentality that I didn't care what I ate.  I ended up eating 2 tacos (beef, hard shell, with lettuce and cheese and a little sour cream), some rice, chips and salsa with cheese.  I was miserable afterward of course and was wishing I could just throw up and get rid of it.  I didn't do that of course but I sure was thinking it.  So here I am back to Monday and back on track.  I have found that I really love eating until I am satisfied and I hate being stuffed!  So from this day forward I will make it a priority to figure out what I can do not to allow food to take over my mind on Sundays!  :-)

Another great temptation busted wide open!

I am laying here in bed.....very tired and I just reflected back on the day that I had today.  It was pretty good.  Did a lot of errands which included buying groceries for the next two weeks.  That in itself can take twice the amount of time that it used to because we are reading the nutrition labels on every single item we pick up.  Glad that's all done now.  Then tonight we went out to dinner with some friends for their birthday.  I told you yesterday we were going to Olive Garden and we did.  We did all the prep work before hand.....tried to eat light throughout the day so we could eat a little more tonight.  Went to Olive Garden's website to check out the nutrition information on their foods.  Decided what we were gonna eat before hand.  We get to the restaurant and..............We did GREAT.  Chris and I split a plate and I ended up not even eating all of mine.  I ate really slowly so that my brain would get the signal that I was full quickly.  I could have very easily finished the plate because the food was so good but I only ate about half of my plate which in reality was half of a half of a regular order.  Also.....I did not eat not 1 breadstick.  And since bread is a challenge for me I thought that was pretty good.  Then my friend was talking about how she would love a piece of the lemon cream cake and I told her since it was her birthday that she should.  She said how bout if I get it and we all four eat the one piece........I said yes yes...thats a great idea.  So the lemon cream cake came to the table with 4 spoons.  I took my spoon, got 1 bite and laid the spoon down.  I said thats all I want.  I was so proud of myself.  Not only did I not spurge on my meal and overeat, I only ate one bite of my favorite dessert from that restaurant.  Way to go me!!!  Then on the drive home I thought just how great I felt that I had left there and wasn't so stuffed that I was miserable.  That is a much better feeling then eating until you feel like you are about the throw up!  Great day today!

What a great day! :-)

Today was a great day all in all.  I stayed below my 1600 calorie limit (not on purpose trust me).  I got spiritually fed at the youth service we attended tonight and I got my hair done today.  I always get my hair done every six weeks but every time I do it feels so much better.  Work is incredibly busy these days which is causing me problems keeping up with my food journal.  I'm still doing it but it is getting harder.  I can start to feel my clothes getting looser......nothing falling off yet though!  LOL!  Haven't done a protein shake in two days just because I was getting almost double of what the nutritionist wants me to get everyday in protein.  I'm really thinking that I need to start doing them again but during my afternoon hunger fit that I go through every day between 3-6!  Can't believe that my surgery is only 3 months away now.  I get more excited every day about it!  Tomorrow night we are going out to dinner with some friends for their birthday....guess where we are going?  Olive Garden!  I will let you know tomorrow night how I did!  :-)

Up's and Down's

Today has been a pretty good day....in fact it has been a great day!  I went to my new PCP today and found that I have lost 4 more lbs. since my visit with the nutritionist on 2/22.  So that's a total of 18 lbs. so far.  I am feeling really great about that!  The downer was that I realized today at lunch just how important it is to follow the 30-rule that the nutritionist told us to start doing.  The 30-rule is simply.....chew every bite 30 times, take at least 30 minutes to eat your meal, and nothing to drink 30 minutes before or after your meal.  This does several things.  One - by chewing every bite 30 times it helps you to slow down and really start the process of digestion.  Two - by taking 30 mins. to eat, that means you are eating really slow and you are giving your brain time to catch up with what is going in your stomach so that you can stop when you start to feel full - not after you are already stuffed.  Three - not drinking before your meal allows you not to fill up on liquids and not drinking afterwards allows the food to stay in your stomach longer so your body is able to absorb the proteins and nutrients you just put in it.  It will also make you stay fuller longer.  This is what we will have to do after surgery and she wanted us to start practicing now so that we will be used to it after surgery.  Well last night I woofed my dinner down because I was starving and I was miserable the rest of the night because I had overeaten.  Today at lunch I had to woof my food down because I had my doctors appointment that I had to get to and didn't have time to eat slowly.....as soon as I got done eating I realized that I again had overeaten.  Although I wasn't "miserable" I was way to full!  So lesson learned.....do everything in my power to follow the 30-rule.  On another up note, I was offered cake squares from my favorite bakery today and I turned them down!  Big accomplishment for me!  Hope everyone is having a great day!

Why is it so hard sometimes?

So I was asked yesterday to make my famous homemade mac n' cheese for a family in our church.  I put it together yesterday and then this afternoon had the kids put it in the oven for me.  Boy did the house smell good when I got home.  I pulled the baked mac n' cheese out of the oven and stuck my spoon down in it to make sure it was done and it was perfect.  Then I had to smell it the whole way to church (which for me was about 1 hour).  So I endured that and got through.  Then by the time church let out I was starving so what do I do?  I go to Wendys with some others from church and instead of getting a small chili and a plain baked potato, I got a large chili and plain baked potato.  I was about half way through the chili and already felt full but did I stop?  Noooo!  I just kept eating until it was all gone.  Now I am miserable.  These are the things we are supposed to be practicing now and learning now because after surgery if I do that I will get deathly sick.  I did really good all day and then I ruined it tonight.  I guess it could have been a lot worse.  I could of gotten a big ole juicy hamburger and a large fry but I would be much happier right now if I had only eaten the small chili!  Oh well, nothing I can do now so I just accept it and move on.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I go to my new PCP and I will get to see if I have lost anymore weight since last week.  After this past weekend I would be surprised if I had!  Goodnight all!

3 big hurdles today

Today has been a pretty good day so far.  I was just working along, being somewhat productive and then it happens!  I open my desk drawer and dig under some papers and see a Butterfinger candy bar.  Not the miniature one either.  The full size candy bar.  Well my first thought was, "I will just save this because you never know when one day I might be having a breakdown and need something like this."  So I closed my drawer and I continued working.  A little bit later (after the picture of the candy bar wouldn't leave my mind) I thought "you know what......I don't want that candy bar and I sure don't need to save it to temp me later on."  So what did I do?  I opened my drawer, grabbed the candy bar and threw it in the trash can.  I made sure to open it to before I threw it away just so that the actual candy bar would be touching other trash and I wouldn't be tempted to change my mind!  Hurdle #1 done!  Yay me!  Then it is lunch time and I am waiting on a conference call to take place before I go back to the break room to eat my lunch.  At this point I am pretty hungry.  It's going on 12:30 pm.  All of the sudden one of my favorite doctors comes by and tells me to come back to the conference room to watch a video he made of him skiing.  He said that others were coming back and that he had ordered pizza for everyone.  I'm thinking.....oh my gosh....I have been craving pizza for a couple weeks now....and not the lean cuisine pizza but a good ole pizza from Dominos or Papa Johns.  Not wanting to be rude and not go, after I finished my conference call I went back to the conference room.  I could smell the pizza before I even turned the corner.  I walk in and everybody is saying....grab you some pizza and have a seat.  I politely said no thank you...I just came to watch the video.  I have my lunch in the break room.  So I sat through the video enduring the smell of pizza and yes it was from Dominos!  As soon as that video was over, I was out of there so fast and headed to the break room to eat my frozen dinner.  I probably looked like my butt was on fire as fast as I was walking because I was starving!  Hurdle #2 done....yay me!  Then I come back to my office after eating my lunch, which by the way, I was completely satisfied at this point.  I open up my file cabinet to grab something and what do I find?  A bag of peanut butter cup cookies that I forgot was in there.  Oh no!  Not again!  This time I didn't even think about it.  I just grabbed the ziplock back opened it up and tossed them in the trash can.  The candy bar and the cookies have been here for at least a month or more because I didn't even realize I had them since I have started my diet.  So hurdle #3 done!  YAY ME!  I was so proud of myself for being able to toss those things in the trash and not give into temptation.  The fat girl side of me said eat it....that aint gonna hurt you.  But the skinny girl inside was SCREAMING....don't do it because it isn't going to taste as good as skinny is gonna feel.  Plus I am going to see my new PCP tomorrow and I know I will have to get on the scales.  I am anxious to see if I have lost anymore weight since I last weighed in with the nutrionist.  14 lbs. down and I certainly don't want to start going back up!  Proud of myself today!  :)

The final catch up

Ok...sorry for so many posts on one day.  I am realizing that I really should have started this back in November when we first started discussing surgery!  So let me finish catching you up to speed.  Also, I want to say that I am no English buff so I apologize now for any typo's, incorrect verbiage, or anything that sounds just plain dumb! :)  So here's how it all started.  In October or November my husband and I started discussing weight loss surgery in a pretty serious way.  We had tossed the idea back and forth several times since we have been together but this time it was serious.  I had always been one of those people who had the mentality that I would never do weight loss surgery unless it was a life or death situation for me.  The more we talked the more I was convinced that if I didn't do something now about my weight, it would become a life or death situation.  So in December we attended a weight loss seminar given by the surgeon and his staff that we were considering going to.  It was very informative.  The told us everything from what the procedures were about to the cost to how long recovery would be, etc.  Then we had to wait until January 1st when we went on my insurance.  We had always been on my husbands insurance but his insurance didn't pay as well for weight loss surgery as mine.  So January 1 comes and I start setting up our appointments.  First with the psychologist, then the nutritionist.  Then I get the call giving me our dates to see the surgeon.  As in my previous post, we saw the psychologist (which went well) and we saw the nutritionist (which also went well).  On February 10 I had my visit with the surgeon.  After his exam, he told me that I was a great candidate for surgery and so the ball begins to roll.  With a BMI of 58 and a weight of 384 I was ready to have surgery that day.  By the way, a normal BMI is 18.5 - 24.9.  Anything over that is considered to be overweight and of course the higher your BMI goes you move into the category of obese then morbidly obese.  Obviously I fall into the latter of the 3 categories.  But I found out quickly that this was a "hurry up and wait" game and I had to play by their rules.  Finally, we get the call I had been waiting for.....SURGERY DATE!  My surgery date has been scheduled for June 6 (one day after my 40th birthday - what a way to start the 40's) and my husbands surgery date is scheduled for June 20.  When I finally got a surgery date it felt as if a huge weight (no pun intended) had been lifted off my shoulders.  I felt as if I finally new the day my new life would begin.  I was like a kid on Christmas morning.  So my husband and I have officially been "dieting" since February 7.  I have not had anything to drink besides water since that day and I can honestly say that after almost a month, I don't even miss the sweet tea and soda's I used to love!  We have added protein shakes to our daily meal plan too!  This has helped a lot.  So here I am, officially one month into this and doing pretty good.  My husband and I finally broke down this past weekend and did our "before" pictures which was recommended by the psychologist so that we could visually track our progress.  You know I found that no matter how much you look at yourself in the mirror, you just don't see how fat you really are until you see a picture of yourself.  It was horrifying but I know that in a year from now a big portion of that fat girl will be gone.  My husband and I talk about how exciting this is that we are doing this together and how much closer this is gonna bring us.  Not to mention how much more we will be able to enjoy life and each other.  Many prayers have already went up on my behalf (for that I am truly thankful) and I'm sure they will keep going up.  I have prayed long and hard about God's will for my life regarding my weight.  I asked God that if this (weight loss surgery) were his will to please show me by opening every door and taking away any stumbling blocks.  And I know this is no surprise but we have not had one snag in all of this.  Confirms to me that this is God's will for my life, therefore I know that he will look after me throughout this journey.  It helps a lot to know that I have God on my side as well as many friends and family who are supporting me.  Until next time...