Just Say NO

I have finally realized that it is not just a fleeting moment, or the need to not look like I can't do what I say I will do, but I have truly learned how to say No and mean it.  Yesterday, AGAIN, there were Deweys cupcakes brought to work.  As soon as they came back to the breakroom I was finishing up lunch and decided to just go back to my desk.  Then later that afternoon I went back to the breakroom thinking that all of the cupcakes would be gone only to find a whole dozen still back there.  I got my apple out of my lunch bag and stood right beside the box of cupcakes and started cutting up the apple and thought, "I truly do not want one of those things."  You have to understand what a HUGE milestone this is for me.  As I have said before, there is nothing on this earth that I would rather eat than Deweys cake.  It absolutely is my favorite food.  To be able to stand right beside a whole box of cupcakes and eat an apple is truly an accomplishment that I am extremely proud of.  After I finished my apple, I left the breakroom not thinking twice about those cupcakes.  I got back on the scales today (since Thursday has become my weigh in day) and guess what......I have lost 3 more lbs.  This brings my total weight loss to 40 lbs. now!  All of the cupcakes, cake squares, burgers and fries, and junk food that I have given up over the past 3 months has truly been worth it.  Today I feel like food no longer has control over me.  That doesn't mean that I will always feel this way but today I do and it feels so good.  A good friend of mine has committed to help me reach a goal of losing 60 lbs. before my surgery.  That means I have 20 more lbs. to go in 5 1/2 weeks.  For once in my life I believe that I can do it.  It started today with a really tuff workout in the gym.  But even after that workout where I thought I was going to die, I feel great.  I have more energy than ever. What can I say......it has been a great day where food is concerned!

Another big leap

Today is weigh in day and guess what???   3 more lbs. down!  I am so excited about that!  I have lost a total of 37 lbs. and it feels so good.  I have been through times of doubting whether or not I still want to have surgery....don't worry...that is normal.  However when I lose weight and see the results of my hard work, it makes me that more excited about my surgery.  ALL of my clothes that I wore 37 lbs. ago are getting extremely big on me.  And that is fine with me!  I have a really good friend who has decided to have surgery and she called today with her new surgery date.  May 11 for her....wow...that is only a few weeks away!  I'm so happy for her and looking forward to seeing how things go for her before my surgery gets here.  Chris is still doing great too.  It's hard to believe that I will be starting my 3-week pre-surgery diet in about 3 1/2 weeks!  Ugh...that's the part I'm dreading the most.  I can do it though! 

Tired

After a long week last week of going to church every night and then a busy weekend, I am exhausted.  I have passed the feeling of wanting to eat all the time though which is a great thing.  I feel like I am back to they way I was in the beginning of this journey where I wanted to do really good all the time.  I know it won't last but I am going to savor it while I have it.  I will weigh in at work on Thursday and hope to be down at least another pound or two.  It is a long weekend coming up so I pray that I will stay busy and keep my mind off of eating.  I am gonna try to get a new book to read to help keep my mind occupied.  I do plan on having a relaxing weekend.  I have not exercised this week at all but thats due to my monthly female friend that visited this week.  Just can't deal with sweating and that.  I will get back on track with that by the end of the week.  I went to a Home Interior party tonight and there was all kinds of great food there but rather than eating the junk food, I chose fruit.  I am proud of myself.  I have never done anything like that in my life.  It really shows how far I have come.  About a month from now I will be starting my pre-surgery diet which will be brutal.  I am trying not to think about it!  I'm ready to get it over with and have my surgery!

A tuff week

This past week has been another tuff week as far as me wanting to eat all kinds of things that I shouldn't.  Overall I haven't done that bad but I feel like I could have.  Thursday mornings are my days to weigh at work.  I had decided last night that if I got back on the scale and hadn't lost anything AGAIN.....I was definitely going to McDonald's and have a Big Mac and large fry.  I get on the scale this morning and I have lost another 4 lbs.  That makes a total of 34 lbs. so far.  Then this afternoon they brought cupcakes into work again.  As soon as I realized they were there I went to the breakroom and started eating my apple.  I would have loved to have a cupcake but I made the CHOICE to have an apple instead.  It made me realize just how far I have come to be able to do that.  It has definitely put me back on track and took away the desire to "eat the paint off the walls" or just go all out and make a pig of myself.  I'm proud!

Beginning to hate weekends!

I have realized now (starting into my 10th week of this diet) that I am beginning to hate weekends.  Not really but when food is involved I do.  This past weekend was a really good weekend.  Although I could have done a whole lot worse on my food, I could have done a whole lot better.  So Saturday night by the time my husband and I got to eat supper we were both so starved that we were just ready to eat.  We didn't care where or how much, we were just ready to eat.  Where did we go????  The most dangerous place anyone can go to eat who is trying to lose weight.....a BUFFET!  That's right, we went to Golden Corral.  My husband didn't do all that bad.  He started off with a healthy salad, then moved on to some healthy veges and lean beef.  When he finally finished he ended up eating on 3 oatmeal raisin cookies.  Me on the other hand.....I started off with fried popcorn shrimp, a piece of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, mac n' cheese, a garlic cheese biscuit and a yeast roll.  Can I tell you that I loved every single bite of it too!  I even left the skin on the piece of chicken (my favorite part).  It was WONDERFUL.  After I finished that plate I was feeling pretty full and decided not to go back for seconds on the regular food but to hit the dessert bar.  I had some vanilla ice cream with caramel poured over top.  Then after that I went back up there and got a mini cup cake with icing, and 3 cookies.  I ate all of it except for the ice cream....didn't eat all of it.  By the time I finished I was wishing I could just go somewhere and puke.  All that food that tasted so great was making me so sick and I just kept saying - This was so stupid of us.  Of course we went home right after that and because of my Carb high, I went straight to bed where I spent the rest of my evening/night sleeping.  Then comes Sunday.  All of you know by now that Sunday is our worst day just because we are not at home at all and usually eat out both meals on Sunday.  Well yesterday was no exception.  We went to one of our local favorite restaurants and I did very well there.  But afterwards, I told Chris I wanted a milkshake from Cookout and of course he didn't say NO.  So we both ate a whole milkshake a piece.  It was so delicious but again I was so miserable.  I did however this time go into the gym at church with our kids an played some basketball with them so at least I burned a few calories.  Then for supper, we ate mexican.  I didn't do to bad there....just 1 taco, some rice, and a few chips with salsa.  Back to Monday and back on track.  I love having a planned schedule for my meals.  I love knowing exactly how many calories I have taken in each day.  I hope that when I weigh in this Thursday, that I will have gone down a few pounds since I didn't move last week.  This is REAL life.  This is what I will be dealing with the remainder of my life where food is concerned.  I truly want to overcome the temptations that I face and I know with God's help I will.  The old saying of doing something 21 days makes it a habit.  Well I can say that is true for somethings I have done but where sweets are concerned it is so not true.  I crave sweets after every meal, every single day of my life.  I have to overcome and I will!  I encourage you all if you are trying to lose weight to keep a daily food journal.  It is very easy to "forget" even small things that you have eaten but if you are writing it all down you won't be able to.  Not only does it hold you accountable for what you put in your mouth, it also gives you a sense of accomplishment when you look at it at the end of the day and see that you did not exceed your calories for that day.  It is a lot of work, but it is worth it.

Holding steady

I weighed in today on the scale at work and I was the same today as I was last Thursday - 30 lbs down.  I can tell that I am getting close to having my "monthly" friend.  I feel like I could eat the paint off the walls even though I am not hungry at all.  I just want to EAT!  This past weekend wasn't the greatest either.  I ate dessert on Saturday night, which I haven't done since I started all this.  Then I was off work Monday which meant an extra day of being "off" on my normal schedule.  I do really good during the week when I have a set schedule.  On the weekends, not so great because there is no schedule there.  I found myself being glad I was back at work on Tuesday just so I could get back on track.  I hate this feeling - feeling like I could eat the walls when I'm not hungry.  I almost got depressed when I weighed this morning but then I thought, "at least I didn't gain any weight."  My surgery is exactly 2 months from today and the closer it gets the more excited and nervous I get all at the same time.  I desire your prayers because losing weight is still an everyday battle.  My pray is that God will take the control that food has over my life away and allow me to control it....or maybe I should say let him control it because he has all the power and I have none!  I am excited over the fact that I am one size down in my clothes and I am able to wear work clothes that I haven't worn in a long time!  It will get better - I know it will....as soon as my monthly shows up.  The week prior is the worst for me.  I am still encouraged though at how much better I feel already.  Brighter days ahead!