6 more days

I am definitely on the down hill stretch.  After a very productive weekend this past weekend, cheating big time on this 3 week pre-surgery diet, and realizing that in less than a week not only will I turn 40 but I will be having my surgery, I have many emotions running through my head right now.  I had several things on a "to do" list that I wanted to get done here at the house before my surgery.  All of those have been checked off.  My body is feeling the aches and pain from all the hard work but it was well worth it.  By Thursday night of last week, I had had all of the chicken, broccoli, carrots and green beans that I could take.  So I decided that I had to have something different.  What did a choose?  A cheeseburger from McDonalds.  It was so good.  I also stole 3 french fries from my boys.  Even though it was just a regular cheeseburger I was completely satisfied.  Then, Friday I did good.  On Saturday, another craving hit me like a ton of bricks.  I had my husband take me to Hardees for breakfast (my favorite fast food breakfast place).  I ordered a biscuit and gravy combo with a regular coke.  I also ordered a sausage biscuit.  I ate about 1/2 of the biscuit and gravy and hash rounds and all but a couple of bites of the sausage biscuit.  I took one sip of the coke and couldn't hardly stand it because it was so sweet.  That food was so good.  I enjoyed every single bite of it!  Then on Sunday I got the craving of a milkshake from Cook Out.  My precious husband went out and got me and the kids (and himself) a milkshake.  I ate the whole thing!  Last but not least, my husband ordered pizza from Dominoes last night.  I wasn't going to eat any because I had just had a protein shake.  The smell overcome me though.  I ended up having 2 slices of pizza.  It was so good but boy did it give me heartburn.  So all of my cravings have been met and I do not feel the least bit guilty.  I had been depriving myself of these things for so long and I just couldn't take it anymore.  I am dreading weighing this week because I feel like I will probably gain some of my weight back.  If I do, that is ok.  I won't be mad at myself.  But I'm hoping I don't.  Then today I realized that I only have 5 days until I turn 40 and 6 days until my surgery.  I never realized the day would get here so fast.  Back in January, June 6 seemed like such a long ways away.  But I can honestly say that it went by very quickly!  I will be posting another picture this weekend of my "before surgery but down 60 lbs." size.  I am so ready for this surgery.  Mentally, physically, emotionally and I am so ready to turn 40. I know a lot of people dread turning 40 but I don't.  It will be a huge milestone in my life that I will always be able to look back on and remember the change I made at this age.  I will let you all know on Thursday what I weighed in at!  Until then I ask that you say a prayer for me and my upcoming surgery. 

2 steps forward, no steps back

As of today, I reached my weight loss goal (pre-surgery).  I have lost a total of 60 lbs.  I can't believe that I have done so well.  I am so proud of myself.  I still have another week and a half on this pre-surgery diet so I will be interested to see how much more weight I lose in that time.  I lost 6 lbs. since last Thursday.  I am pushing myself harder in the gym (or at least I feel like I am).  I also got news on the situation with Chris.  They have decided that they will give him credit for the 2 years that he was on my insurance from 2004-2006 and add it to the amount of time he has been on it this year.  He still has to be on it for 3 years which makes it November 7 before he can have his surgery but we are thankful that he is going to get to have his surgery this year and not have to wait 3 years to do it.  We accept that this is God's will and his plan.  Needless to say today has been a good day.  I do have to admit something though!  I ran through McDonalds tonight to get the kids something to eat and just couldn't take it anymore.  I gave in and had a cheeseburger and 3 french fries.  I knew that I could not eat chicken 1 more time and I had been craving a burger since I started this pre-surgery diet.  I gave in.  It was so good too and I don't regret it one bit.  Six months ago it would have been a Big Mac combo with an apple pie.  Today is was just a regular cheeseburger and 3 french fries.  My craving has been satisfied and I feel better.  No regrets!

Sick of chicken

I never thought that I would say this but I am really sick of chicken.  That is all I have eaten (as far as meat goes) for the last 8 days.  I am truly used to this pre-surgery diet as far as being hungry.  That doesn't bother me anymore.  But this limited menu is about to get me.  My choices of meat are grilled chicken breast or white fish.  I don't do fish so it's chicken breast for me.  I think I am about to grow feathers.  Ugh!  Anyway, the diet is going well other than being sick of what I get to eat.  Everything is lined up for my surgery now.  I have all my appointments set up.  The only thing I have left to do is order my vitamins.  And get my house in order (cleaned) before the big day.  I am ready to get this done!  I think that I am mentally and physically prepared.  Back in January when I found out that I had to do this 3-month multi-disciplinary diet, I was disappointed but now I am so thankful that I had to.  It has truly prepared my mind and body for this surgery and I am ready for it!

1 step forward, 2 steps back

Today has been a great day on one hand, but on the other a very disappointing day.  As you all know by now, Thursdays are my weigh in days.  I get on the scale this morning having accepted the fact that I would have either stayed the same weight or gained weight.  I say this because of this past weekend how I had so much junk food to eat trying to get it all in before D-day on Monday.  However when I stepped on the scale this morning, I realized that it said 330.  I got off and back on it 3 more times and sure enough every time it was 330.  That means I had lost 8 lbs. since last Thursday.  That brings my total weight loss to 54 lbs.  I guess all this starving I have been doing this week has paid off.  Then later on today I received a call from the surgeons office telling me that my surgery had been approved but that Chris's was denied.  They have denied his surgery because they say that he has to be on my insurance for 3 consecutive years before he is eligible for this benefit.  The doctors office did not know that this change had been made with our insurance.  I got so upset.  Chris happened to be down in the gym.  I went down there and got him and took him outside.  I just busted out crying because I knew how disappointed he was going to be.  Needless to say he took it way better than I thought he would.  The battle is not over though.  I have contacted a few people to see if this can be overrode and the nutritionist also said she was going to work on it as well.  I am believing God that He will bring this to light and we are praying for his will to be done.  If this is not his will for Chris at this time, we can deal with that.  I thank God for giving me the strength to get through these last 4 days.  Each day is getting easier and easier for me.  I still find myself being hungry however, I am not sitting around thinking about eating.  That is totally God.  I am probalby not getting much more than 700 calories a day if that so there is no reason I should not be sitting around every minute thinking about eating.  I can do all things through Christ which stengtheneth me and he has certainly given me the strength to get through this.  So my earlier post about it is harder than I expected is no longer true.  It is definitely getting easier day by day!

Harder than I thought it would be

Yesterday I started my pre-surgery diet.  I knew that it was going to be hard but not this hard.  I am actually feeling hunger pains in my stomach....not just the growling that you usually get.  Today I started feeling really weak.  My friend who is helping me in the gym has told me that now is the time to really burn the fat and to do that I have to get in the gym more.  So yesterday I went to the gym during my lunch and after work.  Today I only went during lunch.  By the time I left work I felt so weak that I could barely go.  When my friend sent me a text to ask me if I was in the gym doing my cardio, I told her no because I was just to weak.  She told me to put my big girl panties on and push through it.  I know she is right and I know I've got to do it so I pray that God gives me the strength that I need to get through these next 3 weeks.  My meals yesterday consisted of:

Breakfast - protein shake (9:00 am)
Lunch - carrot sticks, light yogurt (4 oz.), apple (1:00 pm)
Snack - protein shake (3:30 pm)
Dinner - grilled chicken breast (3 oz), 1/2 cup green beans (7:00 pm)
Snack - sugar free Jello gelatin (8:30 pm)

Today was not much different.  I do ok during the day but now at night time is when I am feeling the hunger pains.  Not to mention that just about every commercial on TV revolves around food.  I know that in the end this will all be worth it but right now it is extremely hard.  I have had thoughts today about just eating what I wanted to because I have already lost 46 lbs. and that is way more than most people lose before surgery anyway so whats the big deal.  But I know I can't do that.  I have come way to far to give up now.  I just ask for extra prayers during these next 3 weeks and I will keep you updated on my progress.

Tomorrow is the big day

Tomorrow is the day I begin my 3-week pre-surgery diet.  I would like to say I am prepared and ready to begin but I know I'm not.  I have spent the weekend enjoying all the foods that I love because it will be quite some time before I get to enjoy them again.  As of this past Thursday, I have lost a total of 46 lbs., losing 4 lbs. last week.  I know for sure that this week when I weigh in that I will not have lost anything else.  I am just praying that after eating the way I have this weekend that I don't gain weight.  I hope you all will be praying for me over the next three weeks as I prepare my body for my surgery!

Blessing

Someone blessed my heart today and gave me encouragement that I never imagined.  I don't even know her name.  But I just want to thank God for that blessing.  I know that God brings people into our lives for many different reasons.  Today I was in the gym working out and for some reason this week has been harder than it has every been for me.  I don't know why.  You would think that it would be getting easier but it isn't.  I normally do 35 mins. on the treadmill rotating between a 7 and a 9 incline.  I got 30 mins. in and had to stop.  Now don't get me wrong.  There have been many days in the past that I have wanted to stop but didn't.  I just pushed through the pain and the sweat.  Today I couldn't though.  I felt as if I was gonna vomit and pass out all at the same time.  So I stopped and was walking back to the locker room.  Going into the locker room my friend who has also been "training" me in the gym was coming out.  She asked me what I was doing.  I told her I just couldn't do the 35 mins. today.  She told me that I could.  I told her I couldn't and started explaining to her why I couldn't.  She put the fan in my face and stood there and talked to me a few minutes until I could cool down.  After I cooled down, she told me she wanted me to go back out there and finish my work out.  She said just give me that last 5 mins.  You can do it on the bike.  So I hesitantly agreed.  After a couple mins. on the bike I told her that I wasn't just gonna do 5 mins. but I was gonna do 10 mins.  Of course she was rooting me on.  So I did my 10 mins.  Afterward, I headed back to the locker room to shower and get dressed so I could come back to work.  I am standing there about to go, but I was trying to dry my hair and get all the sweat out.  As I am standing there in front of the fan, this young African American girl comes out of one of the dressing stalls and asks me how much weight I have lost.  I told her 42 lbs. as of last Thursday.  She said "well I just wanted to tell you that you have been a true inspiration to me.  I have watched you come to the gym everyday that I am down here and I can see your weight melting off and it has truly inspired me to do better too."  We walked out together and continued talking and when we parted I just about started crying thinking to myself how good God is to send a stranger my way to encourage me.  Even though she said that I encouraged her, she encouraged me even more.  My friend who trains me said to me today (before I went back out to finish my workout) that if I talked myself out of my last few minutes today that it would only get easier and easier for me to talk myself out of it everyday.  Well after this stranger met me and said those kind words it reminded me of how far I had come and how I was not gonna stop now.  I believe that it was no coincidence that this took place the way it did today.  I could have very easily have finished my workout the first time and missed seeing this girl in the locker room.  I could have very easily refused my friend who was telling me to go finish my work out and miss this girl....but it was all in God's plan for us to run into each other today.  So I want to thank God for his blessing that he sent my way today (and everyday).  Each and every blessing I receive still amazes me at just how good He is.  I hope everyone who reads this post receives a blessing today!

It's Almost Time!

The time is quickly approaching where I start my 3-week pre-surgery diet.  Although I am not looking forward to it, I know that it is a small thing considering what I have accomplished thus far.  I am also looking forward to boosting my weight lose right before my surgery.  My husband and I went to our last class with the nutritionist yesterday and received all the information of what we could expect during surgery and after.  It is hard to believe that it is almost time for me to have my surgery and then my husband to have his.  I am not nervous about it yet but I am sure that I will be when I get even closer.  I weighed in last Thursday and was down 2 more pounds.  That makes a total of 42 lbs. so far.  I expect to eat "my last supper" this coming weekend since I start my 3-week diet on Monday.  I have a good friend who is have her weight lose surgery tomorrow and I am saying extra prayers for her tonight!  I know that God's hands will be on her.  This past weekend was pretty decent even though I'm sure I ate more than I should have on Sunday.  But hey it was Mothers Day and since I am a mother I had to celebrate.  I will be interested to see how that affects my weight lose this week.  I went to the gym today after not having gone there since last Friday.  I thought I was going to die!  It just proved to me that exercising has got to be a part of my daily routine otherwise my body will quickly get out of shape.  I am ready to start my new life and feel better!

Eat to live, not live to eat

I am sitting here at work wondering if I will ever get to the point where I eat to live and not live to eat.  Yet again, there is another Deweys birthday cake in the breakroom right now.  It is for April's birthday's.  I walked back there knowing there was cake and that it was probably Deweys, only to get some water to take some medicine with.  I started craving that cake the minute I opened the door.  Then to see all of my coworkers sitting around enjoying it made it that much harder.  When does it get easy?  Does it get easy?  It is times like these that I can do nothing but pray and lean on God to give me the strength to beat this temptation.  I have had a great 2 weeks.  Eating pretty good and bumped my exercising way up.  I am feeling really good.  Most people are finally telling me how they can tell that I have lost a lot of weight.  We go for our last visit this week with the nutritionist and psychologist before our surgery.....things are looking good BUT I realized that I am still weak when it comes to food.  Well maybe I shouldn't say that I am weak.  I was able to leave the breakroom without touching that cake and that is a huge milestone for me but my brain is still telling me how much I would love to have a piece of it.  And I'm not the least bit hungry either.  Don't get me wrong, I am extremely proud of how far I have come but I truly pray that one day I will get to the point where I eat to live and not live to eat! 

Downsized

I went to the "fat" woman's clothing shop (Catherine's) yesterday for the first time since I have been losing weight.  I knew that I had dropped at least 1 size because the clothes I have were getting to big.  So I found a light jacket and tried it on.  It was a 3x.  I normally buy a 5x because i need it big enough to cover my belly.  Well when I tried on the 3x, guess what?  It was way to big.  I couldn't believe it.  I am slowly getting out of the plus sized clothing.  I know I still have a ways to go but just seeing that 2 sizes smaller is still to big on me made me feel really good.  I can't wait until I start shrinking enough to buy clothes from Target or Walmart.  Starting to get really excited about my surgery.  It's only 5 weeks away now!