Peanut Butter

If you know me well enough, you know that I love peanut butter more than anything.  I would take a peanut butter pie or some peanut butter balls any day over anything chocolate.  As I think back to when this journey started I don't think I have had any peanut butter.  Although peanut butter is great for protein, it is kind of high in fat.  Even the low fat is a little high in fat.  So I have tried to avoid it altogether.  Well today when I got home from work the thought of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich hit me like a ton of bricks.  I started thinking about how good it would be to have one and I just couldn't get it off my mind.  I got on the computer and looked up the nutritional value in peanut butter and jelly.  I saw that 1 tbsp. of Jif peanut butter (my favorite) has 16 grams of fat and 1 tbsp. of Welch's grape jelly has 13 grams of sugar (no fat though).  I knew that I had the calories left for the remainder of the day that I could pull 1 sandwich off but did I want to waste them all on just 1 sandwich.  I knew it wouldn't last me until I went to bed and that I would be hungry again.  So I settled to go with my original idea for supper - soup and a sandwich.  I go into the kitchen and start my supper and I just had to do it.  I had to have a spoonful of peanut butter.  I dug my teaspoon down into the jar and pulled out a heaping serving (probably about 1 1/2 tsp. worth).  I said (outloud)..."I have got to have a spoonful of this."  So in my mouth it goes and I was in total bliss.  I was just umm'ing and ahh'ing and even said (outloud) "this is the best stuff in the world."  I think next to Dewey's cake, it's my favorite thing in the world.  I finished off the peanut butter then finished putting my supper together.  So here I sit, full and satisfied, and super glad that I didn't give in to temptation.  Oh yeah....and 1 tsp. did the job....it satisfied my temptation.  I'm learning little by little that food does not have to control me....that I can control it!  :)

The Big "30"

Well I have done it!  I just weighed in and I have hit my 30 lb. loss mark!  I am down 30 lbs.  I knew this day would come but I had no idea it would come BEFORE surgery!  I feel great!  The last 2 days people have actually said to me that they can see the lbs. melting off.  This makes me want to go to the gym and hop on that treadmill and run - not walk!  I know I'm not there yet but one day I will be!  On such a rainy yucky day, this is an awesome surprise!  30 lbs. in 7 1/2 weeks.  I have 10 weeks until surgery.  What if I loose another 30 lbs. before surgery?  That would be awesome!  Sorry for all the exclamation marks but I am super excited!  It's a great day!  By the way, I have now set this blog up so that you can follow by e-mail.  I thought it automatically did that if you became a follower but since I am all new to the Blog World I found that I really didn't know what I was talking about.  Look to the right of the screen ("Follow by e-mail").   After you put your e-mail address in you should receive an e-mail every time I post something new!

God's Strength

I am continually amazed at God's strength that he gives me everyday.  My entire life (well at least from about age 13) I have battled weight.  I have spent my life on yo-yo diets.  I would do really good the first couple of weeks or even the first couple of months, and then I would hit a plato of about 50 lbs. or so and that would be it.  I couldn't find the strength to keep the weight loss going.  I have felt like a failure in this area of my life for most of my life.  Then I started down this new journey and have realized that I'm not a failure. I have just not leaned on God's strength the way that I should have.  All the talk about "eat less, exercise more", "you gotta have the will power to do it", "you have to want to do it for yourself, no one else", and "you can do it if you put your mind to it"....that's all true.  But what I have learned through everything is that until I gave it all to God and asked him for the strength to get through this battle (and it is a daily battle) I will never succeed.  For anyone who has ever tried to loose weight, even if you only had to loose 10 lbs., you know what a struggle it can be.  The only advice I have is to lean on God.  He can and will carry you through the battle.  I had a great weekend this past weekend.  Very relaxing and not to bad in the food area.  I did have a little more than half of a milkshake from Cookout but other than that I did pretty good!  

Bounce back

Today is a much better day.  No longer feeling down.  Feeling energetic and ready to get some things done.  It's a great day to hang around the house because it is chilly outside and it looks like it's gonna rain.  So I have spent most of the morning just sitting around watching movies and the Food Network (my favorite TV channel).  I have also done some laundry and I'm about to go clean my shower.  Then I will make a wonderful dinner of baked chicken tenders with roasted potatoes and mixed vegetables.  I am sure we will spend the evening catching up on some of our DVR shows.  I love days like today.  Nothing to do, no expectations from anyone, and relaxing!  My idea of a great Saturday.  Tomorrow we will spend the day in Mt. Airy going to church and then hanging out until evening service starts so again another relaxing day!  Love it!

A blah day

Today I am feeling really blah and down.  I don't know why.  I haven't messed up with my food.  I haven't gotten any bad news.  Work is the same as always.  Money is good.  Got out last night and walked my mile.  I just feel blah.  I don't like feeling like this but I know that I will have times like this.  I guess I have been on a high for so long that it is time for me to be blah.  We went to see the nutritionist and the psychologist yesterday.  They both told us that we were doing exceptionally well and that we needed to be their "poster child" for the program.  I have lost a total of 26.5 lbs. and Chris has lost a total of 14 lbs.  They told us that those weightlosses were above average.  We also scheduled our last meeting with them which is scheduled for May 5.  I am excited about that.....that means that it is almost time for surgery!  Tomorrow will be a better day!

Feeling great!

Today was a great day!  I got on the scale at work again today.  I am down 3 more lbs.  That made me so happy.  That is a total of 26 lbs. now in a little over a month and a half.  Then a good friend of mine took me downstairs to the gym and said she wanted to show me something.  We get down there and she hands me a 25lb. weight.  I grabbed it and could barely hold it because it was so heavy and I'm not that strong.  She looked at me and said, that's how much you have lost plus one more lb.  I just stood there and couldn't believe it.  To feel 25 lbs. in that capacity really made me realize just how much I had lost.  I can tell you that I never want those lbs. back!  Then after I got home this evening, I cooked supper and Chris and I went for a walk.  We walked a mile.  My goal right now is to exercise 3 times a week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) so this was like an extra day of exercise for me.  It felt really good.  I am still amazed daily at how much better I am feeling (physically) even though I have only lost what seems like a small amount of weight (compared to what I need to loose).  I can't wait until Thursday when I see the nutritionist again.  Looking forward to seeing how much I have lost according to her (the real) scales!

Great weekend - tuff Monday

My weekend was awesome!  The weather was beautiful, my family was with me the whole weekend, and I did pretty good on my food.  As usual, Sunday seemed to be the test for us.  We had lunch with some friends.  They cooked for us.  It was 1/2 healthy!  Grilled chicken strips with pasta/alfredo sauce and garlic bread.  Then Sunday night - ooohhhh Sunday night!  We went to eat at Arbys with a bunch of church friends.  Chris and I decided on the way there that we were going to go all out.....Beef n' Cheddar and potato cakes!  It tasted so good but afterwards I was so full and miserable.  The only regret that I had was that I ate all of it and didn't stop when I got full.  I don't regret eating the food though.  It's nice to splurg every once in a while.....or every weekend in our case!  :)  Anyway, back to the normal routine today.  Work was tuff today.  My work has doubled over the last month but there is still just me doing my job.  I did do really great today with my food though and I did go to the gym on my lunch hour and walk the treadmill for a half hour.  Then tonight I came home and cooked supper.  Chris is on first shift this week so after we ate supper he and I went and made a lap around the neighborhood.  I'm sure I will feel the soreness in my back and legs tomorrow but hey.....exercising twice in one day is AWESOME!  Go me!  Makes the Beef n' Cheddar yesterday seem not so bad afterall!  We go for our next visit to the nutritionist this week (Thursday).  I am super excited to weigh in on her scales and get my official weight loss!  Surgery is just a little over 2 months now....time sure is flying by - and I am ready!

Dewey's Bakery

My favorite food in the entire world is cake from Dewey's Bakery.  If I'm gonna eat something I would rather have that than anything else in the world!  So in the past several weeks I have had a couple of opportunities to enjoy my favorite food but passed it by.  I was trying to be good.  Well today at work, there was a huge box of cake squares brought into work for us.  I found out they were there just before I went into a meeting.  As soon as the announcement was made several of us looked at each other and said, "let's go."  I shot back to the breakroom faster than lightening.  I was back there, picking out a cake square with lots of icing, and back to the conference room eating it before I could even think about it.  I did eat the cake square, and I had no regrets about it.  In fact, I was telling the others who were in there with me that I just knew there would be Dewey's cake in Heaven when I got there!  Then later on tonight when I had time to slow down, I reflected back on my "heavenly" experience and I realized just how much control food has over my life.  I mean I was up and back there grabbing me a cake square before I even knew what was happening.  Again, I don't regret eating just that 1 cake square.  In fact, I'm pretty proud of myself because in the past I would not have stopped at one.  What I did learn was that just eating that 1 cake square satisfied my craving (or need) and I didn't think about the cake anymore the rest of the day.  That is a huge step for me!  So I look at today as a another accomplishment!

What a difference a day makes

Don't laugh but yesterday I was feeling fat!  Ok I know that I am fat but up until yesterday I was actually feeling better about myself and could feel a difference in my body and the things I was able to do.  But this past weekend was sort of a bomb - especially on Sunday.  And then Monday I made one of my dear friends a birthday cake, which afterwords I couldn't let the extra cream cheese icing go to waste.  So I had to eat some of it.  So needless to say, yesterday I was feeling fat again.....not a good feeling after you have started feeling better.  Well I decided this morning that when I got to work I would weigh since I haven't weighed in a while.  I get on the scales and what did I see?  361......woop woop!  That's right, I am now down 23 lbs.!  What a great feeling it is to see my dedication and hard work pay off.  I started going to the gym this week.  I went Monday after work and was a little uncomfortable just because there were so many "skinny" people in there.  So today I have decided to go on my lunch time and get on the treadmill for 30 mins.  I have to get a new pair of tennis shoes because the ones I have are about 5 or 6 years old and they just kill my feet.  I'm hoping that there won't be to many skinny people there when I go!  LOL! 

Turning over a new leaf

I realized this morning on my way to take the boys to school that I am not doing nearly enough of the things that I should be doing in my life.  I guess my life has been so focused on other things that I simply let the important things fall by the wayside.  What I mean is that I have not been devoting enough time to God as I should be.  I haven't been reading my bible and praying the way that I should.  He gave his son for me so why can't I give him some of my time back.  So I have made a commitment today that beginning tomorrow, I am going to get up every morning, including weekends early enough to have my devotions and prayer time.  I am going to start my day off with God.  I am also committing today that I am going to start my exercise regimen.  I am committing to at least 3 days a week.  Starting today, I am going to the gym (which is here in the building I work in) and exercise (ride the bike or walk the treadmill) for 30 mins.  I am going to do this 3 times a week until I can work myself up to another level.  My goal is that by the time I have my surgery I will be able to exercise at least 1 hour 5 times a week.  So I ask that those of you who read this to please pray for me in these new commitments of mine.  I know that I have to get closer to God in order for him to move in certain areas of my life.  My weight loss is one, my son going off to college is another.  I believe that he has great things in store for me and I know that with his help I will be able to succeed at these new commitments!  By the way, as far as food goes....yesterday was a bomb!  LOL!  But you know what...that is life.  I didn't get down on myself about it.  I just realized that days like yesterday are gonna happen in life and I just have to pick myself up and get back on track (which I did today) and keep it moving (as a very dear friend of mine always tells me)!  Love to you all! 

Love my Kitchen!

Today has been a wonderful day!  Not only was the weather perfect today, but I also got to spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen doing what I love to do best - BAKE!  I haven't done that since before Christmas when I spent to so much time in there baking my Christmas goodies!  I love spending time in my kitchen and I love baking and cooking.  I wished I could do it full-time but that is not what the Lord has planned for me right now.  Today I made a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake and a White Chocolate Key Lime Mousse Cake.  Both we love A LOT, but they won't stay here for us.  They are going to church tomorrow for some friends who have been begging me for them.  The Key Lime is absolutely Chris's favorite dessert that I make so he may end up cutting one piece for himself.  It is also my youngest son's favorite so I'm sure he will want some too!  It's funny that although I was in the kitchen doing what I love to do and making some AMAZING desserts, my mind nor my stomach one time thought...."I can't wait to get into this".  I simply just enjoyed my time being able to do it and knowing that I will be making someone very happy tomorrow!  I have found that I express my love the most towards those close to me by cooking for them.  I also was able to sit out on my deck today in the sun for about an hour reading.  Had my windows open most of the day to.  This kind of weather just makes me feel good!  Should have gotten out and walked today.  I haven't been able to commit to that yet but my plan is to start on Monday.  There is a gym in the building where I work and I plan on start going after work at least 3 times a week and walking on the treadmill or riding the bike.  The nutritionist told us the last time we were there to see her that we had to start exercising 3 times per week.  Mostly because after surgery we are gonna have to exercise.  That has always been a weakness of mine!  Just pray that I can get motivated to do this! 

Yay for Friday!

It's Friday - my favorite day of the work week!  I am sitting here at work eating my grapes, strawberries and banana for my breakfast.  I weighed this morning on the scales here at work and according to those scales I am down a total of 20 lbs.  I don't go back to see the nutritionist until March 24 so I won't know for sure until then because those are the scales that matter.  I will also be seeing the psychologist for my 2nd visit with him that same day.  Less than three months now until my surgery.  I am so ready.  I can say that I am starting to feel some pressure about my son going to college because we received notice last night of his financial aid worksheet.  He's not getting to much so I ask you all to pray that God will supply our need in that area.  So Chris is working on Saturday night which means we won't be going out to dinner and I won't have to worry about going over my calories for the day.  It is Sunday that seems to be our day of struggle.  But I have learned that splurging every now and again isn't bad for you.  So I am no longer going to allow Sunday to be a huge deal for us where food is concerned.  I am feeling really good and my clothes are getting looser by the day!  I saw some before and after pictures of a lady the other day who has been through this surgery and I was completely amazed.  In fact every time that I look at stuff like that it gets me so excited that one day that will be me!

Real life

The weekend has come and gone and it showed me what real life where eating is concerned is really all about.  I do really great throughout the week.  Pack my lunch everyday with healthy items.  Don't really eat out and if I do it's always something that I know what the nutritional values are.  I'm able to stay busy in the evenings so I don't really think about eating all that much.  But come the weekends, it all goes to pot.  Well let me back up....it doesn't all go to pot until about Sunday.  Sunday seems to be the day when I am just ready to EAT!  So this past weekend, we went to Olive Garden on Saturday night which we did really really good!  Then come Sunday, by the time we got out of church we were so ready to eat that we were both saying that we really didn't care what we eat.  In reality we do care but that just goes to show you how food can take over your mind if you allow it to.  Sunday at lunch we went to eat at Ruby Tuesdays and we did pretty good!  Had a low fat meal but we did order a dessert which all of us (the whole family) shared.  Then Sunday night we went out to eat with some people from church to a mexican restaurant that we love.  Although I didn't do all that bad, I had the mentality that I didn't care what I ate.  I ended up eating 2 tacos (beef, hard shell, with lettuce and cheese and a little sour cream), some rice, chips and salsa with cheese.  I was miserable afterward of course and was wishing I could just throw up and get rid of it.  I didn't do that of course but I sure was thinking it.  So here I am back to Monday and back on track.  I have found that I really love eating until I am satisfied and I hate being stuffed!  So from this day forward I will make it a priority to figure out what I can do not to allow food to take over my mind on Sundays!  :-)

Another great temptation busted wide open!

I am laying here in bed.....very tired and I just reflected back on the day that I had today.  It was pretty good.  Did a lot of errands which included buying groceries for the next two weeks.  That in itself can take twice the amount of time that it used to because we are reading the nutrition labels on every single item we pick up.  Glad that's all done now.  Then tonight we went out to dinner with some friends for their birthday.  I told you yesterday we were going to Olive Garden and we did.  We did all the prep work before hand.....tried to eat light throughout the day so we could eat a little more tonight.  Went to Olive Garden's website to check out the nutrition information on their foods.  Decided what we were gonna eat before hand.  We get to the restaurant and..............We did GREAT.  Chris and I split a plate and I ended up not even eating all of mine.  I ate really slowly so that my brain would get the signal that I was full quickly.  I could have very easily finished the plate because the food was so good but I only ate about half of my plate which in reality was half of a half of a regular order.  Also.....I did not eat not 1 breadstick.  And since bread is a challenge for me I thought that was pretty good.  Then my friend was talking about how she would love a piece of the lemon cream cake and I told her since it was her birthday that she should.  She said how bout if I get it and we all four eat the one piece........I said yes yes...thats a great idea.  So the lemon cream cake came to the table with 4 spoons.  I took my spoon, got 1 bite and laid the spoon down.  I said thats all I want.  I was so proud of myself.  Not only did I not spurge on my meal and overeat, I only ate one bite of my favorite dessert from that restaurant.  Way to go me!!!  Then on the drive home I thought just how great I felt that I had left there and wasn't so stuffed that I was miserable.  That is a much better feeling then eating until you feel like you are about the throw up!  Great day today!

What a great day! :-)

Today was a great day all in all.  I stayed below my 1600 calorie limit (not on purpose trust me).  I got spiritually fed at the youth service we attended tonight and I got my hair done today.  I always get my hair done every six weeks but every time I do it feels so much better.  Work is incredibly busy these days which is causing me problems keeping up with my food journal.  I'm still doing it but it is getting harder.  I can start to feel my clothes getting looser......nothing falling off yet though!  LOL!  Haven't done a protein shake in two days just because I was getting almost double of what the nutritionist wants me to get everyday in protein.  I'm really thinking that I need to start doing them again but during my afternoon hunger fit that I go through every day between 3-6!  Can't believe that my surgery is only 3 months away now.  I get more excited every day about it!  Tomorrow night we are going out to dinner with some friends for their birthday....guess where we are going?  Olive Garden!  I will let you know tomorrow night how I did!  :-)

Up's and Down's

Today has been a pretty good day....in fact it has been a great day!  I went to my new PCP today and found that I have lost 4 more lbs. since my visit with the nutritionist on 2/22.  So that's a total of 18 lbs. so far.  I am feeling really great about that!  The downer was that I realized today at lunch just how important it is to follow the 30-rule that the nutritionist told us to start doing.  The 30-rule is simply.....chew every bite 30 times, take at least 30 minutes to eat your meal, and nothing to drink 30 minutes before or after your meal.  This does several things.  One - by chewing every bite 30 times it helps you to slow down and really start the process of digestion.  Two - by taking 30 mins. to eat, that means you are eating really slow and you are giving your brain time to catch up with what is going in your stomach so that you can stop when you start to feel full - not after you are already stuffed.  Three - not drinking before your meal allows you not to fill up on liquids and not drinking afterwards allows the food to stay in your stomach longer so your body is able to absorb the proteins and nutrients you just put in it.  It will also make you stay fuller longer.  This is what we will have to do after surgery and she wanted us to start practicing now so that we will be used to it after surgery.  Well last night I woofed my dinner down because I was starving and I was miserable the rest of the night because I had overeaten.  Today at lunch I had to woof my food down because I had my doctors appointment that I had to get to and didn't have time to eat slowly.....as soon as I got done eating I realized that I again had overeaten.  Although I wasn't "miserable" I was way to full!  So lesson learned.....do everything in my power to follow the 30-rule.  On another up note, I was offered cake squares from my favorite bakery today and I turned them down!  Big accomplishment for me!  Hope everyone is having a great day!

Why is it so hard sometimes?

So I was asked yesterday to make my famous homemade mac n' cheese for a family in our church.  I put it together yesterday and then this afternoon had the kids put it in the oven for me.  Boy did the house smell good when I got home.  I pulled the baked mac n' cheese out of the oven and stuck my spoon down in it to make sure it was done and it was perfect.  Then I had to smell it the whole way to church (which for me was about 1 hour).  So I endured that and got through.  Then by the time church let out I was starving so what do I do?  I go to Wendys with some others from church and instead of getting a small chili and a plain baked potato, I got a large chili and plain baked potato.  I was about half way through the chili and already felt full but did I stop?  Noooo!  I just kept eating until it was all gone.  Now I am miserable.  These are the things we are supposed to be practicing now and learning now because after surgery if I do that I will get deathly sick.  I did really good all day and then I ruined it tonight.  I guess it could have been a lot worse.  I could of gotten a big ole juicy hamburger and a large fry but I would be much happier right now if I had only eaten the small chili!  Oh well, nothing I can do now so I just accept it and move on.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I go to my new PCP and I will get to see if I have lost anymore weight since last week.  After this past weekend I would be surprised if I had!  Goodnight all!

3 big hurdles today

Today has been a pretty good day so far.  I was just working along, being somewhat productive and then it happens!  I open my desk drawer and dig under some papers and see a Butterfinger candy bar.  Not the miniature one either.  The full size candy bar.  Well my first thought was, "I will just save this because you never know when one day I might be having a breakdown and need something like this."  So I closed my drawer and I continued working.  A little bit later (after the picture of the candy bar wouldn't leave my mind) I thought "you know what......I don't want that candy bar and I sure don't need to save it to temp me later on."  So what did I do?  I opened my drawer, grabbed the candy bar and threw it in the trash can.  I made sure to open it to before I threw it away just so that the actual candy bar would be touching other trash and I wouldn't be tempted to change my mind!  Hurdle #1 done!  Yay me!  Then it is lunch time and I am waiting on a conference call to take place before I go back to the break room to eat my lunch.  At this point I am pretty hungry.  It's going on 12:30 pm.  All of the sudden one of my favorite doctors comes by and tells me to come back to the conference room to watch a video he made of him skiing.  He said that others were coming back and that he had ordered pizza for everyone.  I'm thinking.....oh my gosh....I have been craving pizza for a couple weeks now....and not the lean cuisine pizza but a good ole pizza from Dominos or Papa Johns.  Not wanting to be rude and not go, after I finished my conference call I went back to the conference room.  I could smell the pizza before I even turned the corner.  I walk in and everybody is saying....grab you some pizza and have a seat.  I politely said no thank you...I just came to watch the video.  I have my lunch in the break room.  So I sat through the video enduring the smell of pizza and yes it was from Dominos!  As soon as that video was over, I was out of there so fast and headed to the break room to eat my frozen dinner.  I probably looked like my butt was on fire as fast as I was walking because I was starving!  Hurdle #2 done....yay me!  Then I come back to my office after eating my lunch, which by the way, I was completely satisfied at this point.  I open up my file cabinet to grab something and what do I find?  A bag of peanut butter cup cookies that I forgot was in there.  Oh no!  Not again!  This time I didn't even think about it.  I just grabbed the ziplock back opened it up and tossed them in the trash can.  The candy bar and the cookies have been here for at least a month or more because I didn't even realize I had them since I have started my diet.  So hurdle #3 done!  YAY ME!  I was so proud of myself for being able to toss those things in the trash and not give into temptation.  The fat girl side of me said eat it....that aint gonna hurt you.  But the skinny girl inside was SCREAMING....don't do it because it isn't going to taste as good as skinny is gonna feel.  Plus I am going to see my new PCP tomorrow and I know I will have to get on the scales.  I am anxious to see if I have lost anymore weight since I last weighed in with the nutrionist.  14 lbs. down and I certainly don't want to start going back up!  Proud of myself today!  :)

The final catch up

Ok...sorry for so many posts on one day.  I am realizing that I really should have started this back in November when we first started discussing surgery!  So let me finish catching you up to speed.  Also, I want to say that I am no English buff so I apologize now for any typo's, incorrect verbiage, or anything that sounds just plain dumb! :)  So here's how it all started.  In October or November my husband and I started discussing weight loss surgery in a pretty serious way.  We had tossed the idea back and forth several times since we have been together but this time it was serious.  I had always been one of those people who had the mentality that I would never do weight loss surgery unless it was a life or death situation for me.  The more we talked the more I was convinced that if I didn't do something now about my weight, it would become a life or death situation.  So in December we attended a weight loss seminar given by the surgeon and his staff that we were considering going to.  It was very informative.  The told us everything from what the procedures were about to the cost to how long recovery would be, etc.  Then we had to wait until January 1st when we went on my insurance.  We had always been on my husbands insurance but his insurance didn't pay as well for weight loss surgery as mine.  So January 1 comes and I start setting up our appointments.  First with the psychologist, then the nutritionist.  Then I get the call giving me our dates to see the surgeon.  As in my previous post, we saw the psychologist (which went well) and we saw the nutritionist (which also went well).  On February 10 I had my visit with the surgeon.  After his exam, he told me that I was a great candidate for surgery and so the ball begins to roll.  With a BMI of 58 and a weight of 384 I was ready to have surgery that day.  By the way, a normal BMI is 18.5 - 24.9.  Anything over that is considered to be overweight and of course the higher your BMI goes you move into the category of obese then morbidly obese.  Obviously I fall into the latter of the 3 categories.  But I found out quickly that this was a "hurry up and wait" game and I had to play by their rules.  Finally, we get the call I had been waiting for.....SURGERY DATE!  My surgery date has been scheduled for June 6 (one day after my 40th birthday - what a way to start the 40's) and my husbands surgery date is scheduled for June 20.  When I finally got a surgery date it felt as if a huge weight (no pun intended) had been lifted off my shoulders.  I felt as if I finally new the day my new life would begin.  I was like a kid on Christmas morning.  So my husband and I have officially been "dieting" since February 7.  I have not had anything to drink besides water since that day and I can honestly say that after almost a month, I don't even miss the sweet tea and soda's I used to love!  We have added protein shakes to our daily meal plan too!  This has helped a lot.  So here I am, officially one month into this and doing pretty good.  My husband and I finally broke down this past weekend and did our "before" pictures which was recommended by the psychologist so that we could visually track our progress.  You know I found that no matter how much you look at yourself in the mirror, you just don't see how fat you really are until you see a picture of yourself.  It was horrifying but I know that in a year from now a big portion of that fat girl will be gone.  My husband and I talk about how exciting this is that we are doing this together and how much closer this is gonna bring us.  Not to mention how much more we will be able to enjoy life and each other.  Many prayers have already went up on my behalf (for that I am truly thankful) and I'm sure they will keep going up.  I have prayed long and hard about God's will for my life regarding my weight.  I asked God that if this (weight loss surgery) were his will to please show me by opening every door and taking away any stumbling blocks.  And I know this is no surprise but we have not had one snag in all of this.  Confirms to me that this is God's will for my life, therefore I know that he will look after me throughout this journey.  It helps a lot to know that I have God on my side as well as many friends and family who are supporting me.  Until next time... 

My oldest son's birthday!

Today my oldest son turns 18!  Wow I never thought I would be one to say this but time has sure flown by fast.  I remember my mom always telling me growing up that I was growing up to fast and I just thought that was something the old people would say.  Well it's true!  It doesn't seem like 18 years have gone by already!  So we went out to dinner this past weekend to celebrate his birthday.  A famous japanese steak house where the portions sizes are more for like 10 people rather than 1.  So no dieting that night but you know what I thought to myself?  Celebrations and special events are gonna happen in life and it's ok to splurg on what you eat every once in a while.  As long as I don't do it everyday and I'm aware of it, it's all gonna be ok.  So I enjoyed my meal along with a piece of birthday cake from my favorite bakery here in town.  I felt a little guilty afterwards but it didn't last long!  Now back to my everyday routine.  Happy Birthday son!

This is all new

Today is the first day that I will attempt to blog!  I had thought about doing this when my journey began but wasn't so sure about putting myself out there like that.  Then I started thinking......what if my blog could help just one person struggling with their weight?  That makes it all worth it!  So today I start my blog.  I have been overweight most of my adult life.  I have been on so many yo-yo diets that you just wouldn't believe it.  With my husbands help and his need to loose weight too, we decided to find out about weight loss surgery.  So after much research, prayer, and talking with others who have been through this same journey, we decided to move forward with this decision.  We have both decided to have gastric by-pass, which later I will discuss my reasoning for that.  So now the journey begins.  Due to insurance requirements, we have to complete a 90-day multi-disciplinary weight loss programs which entails regular visits with a nutrionist and a psychologist.  Wow have we learned a lot since this began.  Our first visit was on January 17, 2011 and that was with the psychologist.  This doctor specializes in eating disorders and has been in the business for quite sometime.  Then we got to meet with the nutritionist on January 31.  On that day a rude awakening happened.  I had to get on the scale for the first time and take accountability for my weight.  What a shock.  If you are like me you avoid the scales at all costs.  No avoiding this day.  I was of course in tears when I stepped on and seen that I had reached my highest weight to date - 384 lbs.  Again even more disappointment when I realized that I weighed about 30 lbs. more than my husband.  That isn't right is it?  You aren't supposed to be bigger than your husband.  Well, that was my idea anyway.  So our weight loss journey begins.  The nutrionist tells us that some weight loss is expected in this 90 day program, although she didn't state an exact amount.  So I'm thinking, "oh, I can drop 10 or 15 lbs over the next 90 days".....easy, no problem right?  Wrong!  All those times that I remembered trying to lose weight in the past came back to haunt me.  But this time I found something inside of me that I have never had before - determination.  I don't know if it's because I'm afraid if I don't do well pre-surgery that it will knock me out of being qualified for surgery.  Or maybe it's just that I don't want to see my husband do well and me fall behind?  Either way, I have found something within me that feels good.  So now we have 3 weeks before we come back to see the nutrionist and to see if the few things she has taught us already has been put into practice and we are starting to lose weight!  Ok so fast forward up to February 22, 2001.  Our first trip back to the nutrionist.  Oh WOW....I have lost 14 lbs.  What a wonderful feeling.  Even though for a person my size 14 lbs. doesn't seem like a whole lot, I can already start to feel the difference in my clothes and people are actually asking me- "are you loosing weight" - which I gladly say YES!  So now the nutritionist puts on a little more sticter diet.  1600 calories a day for me and no more than 50-60 grams of proteins.  Also, try to stay in the single digits where fat and sugar is concerned per serving.  Ok so here we go....I can do this!